Tag: christmas

Christmas Songs for People Who Don’t Like Christmas Songs

Christmas Songs for People Who Don’t Like Christmas Songs

| December 16, 2013 | 0 Comments

Tis the season to get cranky, especially when it comes to Christmas songs. Here are some Christmas songs that you will never hear on the radio.

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War on Christmas Portrays Historical Discrimination Against Rich, White, Christian Men

War on Christmas Portrays Historical Discrimination Against Rich, White, Christian Men

| December 16, 2013 | 0 Comments

Look out, minorities. There’s a new socially maligned group in the United States, and they’re not going to take it anymore: rich, white, Christian men.

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Stores Push Black Friday into Thanksgiving, Plan to Serve Dinner

Stores Push Black Friday into Thanksgiving, Plan to Serve Dinner

| October 15, 2013 | 0 Comments

The most logical way to abandon the national family dinner altogether on Thanksgiving would be for stores to serve turkey dinner at their entrances.

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Ohio Man Has Never Heard Mariah Carey Christmas Songs

Ohio Man Has Never Heard Mariah Carey Christmas Songs

| December 26, 2011 | 0 Comments

Berea, OH: Earlier this week, scientists made a one-of-a-kind discovery: a man who has never once listened to a Christmas carol performed by singer Mariah Carey. At a press release in Berea, Dr. Jim Foxentrot, head of the Christmas and Related Events of Yule branch of the Benevolent League of Winter Scientists (CAREY-BLOWS) revealed a glimpse of the rare beast to the public.

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Holiday Bonuses Replaced With E-Gifts

Holiday Bonuses Replaced With E-Gifts

| December 21, 2011 | 0 Comments

With the holidays in full swing and the economy lagging, companies look for alternatives to the normal holiday bonuses that employees have come to rely on.

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Elf On The Shelf Found Dead

Elf On The Shelf Found Dead

| December 21, 2011 | 4 Comments

Tragedy has struck the holiday season, as an elf on the shelf at the Madison famiy residence was found mutilated in front of the living room fireplace early this morning.

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Holy Hepatitis! Parishioners Get More than Communion during Christmas Mass

Holy Hepatitis! Parishioners Get More than Communion during Christmas Mass

| January 5, 2011 | 0 Comments

Massapequa Park, NY: Christmas Day is one of the busiest for Catholic Churches around the world. It is the one day a year when many Catholics suddenly remember that they’re Catholic and decide to stumble into the nearest church and say a few Hail Marys. However, if you happened to stumble into Our Lady of Lourdes in Long Island on Christmas Day, you might have gotten a little more than some choir music and a dose of Catholic guilt.

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Sarah Palin Guns Down Santa’s Sleigh, Ruins Christmas

Sarah Palin Guns Down Santa’s Sleigh, Ruins Christmas

| December 24, 2010 | 1 Comment

Wasilla, AK: Christmas may need to be postponed this year, as reports from the North Pole are claiming that Santa Claus’ sleigh was allegedly shot down early this morning by Sarah Palin. In a near-dawn hunting excursion in the northern part of her native Alaska, Mrs. Palin caught sight of eight reindeer in the sky, with a large cargo being towed behind them. Sensing that flying caribou could be a fantastic trophy to hang above her fireplace mantel, Sarah took 10 shots from her rifle. 7 of those shots were killshots, 1 missed, and two took down one of the reindeer.

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Salvation Army Says Yes to Guns, No to Sparkling Vampires

Salvation Army Says Yes to Guns, No to Sparkling Vampires

| December 15, 2010 | 0 Comments

Few people are probably aware that the Salvation Army has strict guidelines when it comes to what types of toys it will give to needy children. For instance, as the Salvation Army sifted through its mountains of toys this year, it threw out anything related to Harry Potter and Twilight.

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Deforestation up 27%; Christmas to Blame

Deforestation up 27%; Christmas to Blame

| December 30, 2007 | 0 Comments

Biologists have discovered that the holiday season is having an adverse effect on the environment. They have found that the world’s forests shrink much more rapidly in the months preceding Christmas. The primary culprit: Christmas greeting cards.

The shocking statistics come courtesy of The Granola Group, a non-profit organization dedicated to conservation efforts, world peace, and other hippie causes. Dr. Toefeld, head of The Granola Group, explained that those seeming-innocent holiday greetings are actually a grave threat to our planet.

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