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Sources Confirm Amy Winehouse’s Non-Causes of Death

Sources Confirm Amy Winehouse’s Non-Causes of Death

| July 25, 2011 | 0 Comments

London, ENGLAND: Ideas have run rampant as to British singer/songwriter/rehab-jumper/addict Amy Winehouse’s cause of death. Some infer that drugs and/or alcohol and/or household cleaners may have been involved. Others believe that her body may have given out due to malnutrition. Some say it could have been suicide in correlation to a century-old cult that cries for the souls of 27 year old musicians. While the cause of death still has not been released, the most pinpoint speculation has arisen through how Amy Winehouse definitely did not perish.

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Amy Winehouse No Longer in Need of Rehab

Amy Winehouse No Longer in Need of Rehab

| July 25, 2011 | 0 Comments

London, England: As word came down this weekend that Amy Winehouse had finally succumbed to the unenviable miseries of stardom, adulation and millions of dollars by croaking in her home, fans of the famed soul crooner were found gathered outside her home shouting “NO, NO, NO!!!” Her manager, looking for some brightness amidst the gloom said, “now Wino can go home and be with her mum.” When told that Winehouse’s mother was still living her manager said “well, her grandmother then.”

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Boehner Pulls Out

Boehner Pulls Out

| July 25, 2011 | 0 Comments

Washington, DC: After hammering away for hours and hours, Speaker of the House John Boehner has withdrawn from debt ceiling and budget talks with President Obama and Democrats. Boehner, who made the news in January for wielding an unusually large gavel, has been trying for weeks to shove his agenda down Democrats’ throats. Democratic leaders thus far have been unable to swallow the deal that Boehner has given them. As one Boehner aide said, “They just need to lay back, relax, and let us do what we want. It’ll be much less painful that way. If things get all tense, it’s still gonna happen… it’s just going to hurt more.”

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While We Were Bored: Harry Potter Memes

While We Were Bored: Harry Potter Memes

| July 21, 2011 | 0 Comments

With the launch of the final Harry Potter movie, in a franchise so full of itself they broke one book into two movies to make it seem as if they would actually try to cover everything in the book when they really just wanted to one-up the lengthy goodbyes from Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, it seemed vital to launch some new memes. Updates will come as memes are received, and created, but we will start you off with one of our own.

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HBO’s Game of Thrones Explained…with More Beer

HBO’s Game of Thrones Explained…with More Beer

| July 19, 2011 | 0 Comments

It had to happen. After such an insane response to my HBO’s Game of Thrones Explained…with Beer article, I decided to push the envelope and see what I could get away with in a sequel article. I know, it’s shameful. Then again, this could the makings of an intelligent trilogy, or even series, much like Star Wars, Harry Potter, and the first two Back to the Future movies. I’m not regurgitating. These are a new group of characters, a new group of alcohol(even if it does have a cameo in line with KISS showing up in a Scooby-Doo episode), and a new group of jokes. But you don’t have to take my word for it…

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Austrian Atheist Breaks Dane Cook Punchline Record

Austrian Atheist Breaks Dane Cook Punchline Record

| July 14, 2011 | 0 Comments

Vienna, AUSTRIA: For years, the wince-enticing entertainer known has Dane Cook has held a record that few believed was sought after, much less able to be broken. That record is for the longest wait to a punchline for a joke in a public forum. Now, the record has finally been broken, as Austrian citizen Niko Alm extended the wait for a punchline to 3 years

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Horrible Horoscopes: Week of 7-12-2011

Horrible Horoscopes: Week of 7-12-2011

| July 12, 2011 | 0 Comments

Moonbeam Crenshaw returns to tell us what the stars are telling us…in Pig Latin.

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Republicans Blame Casey Anthony Verdict on Obama, Gay Marriage, and Cuba

Republicans Blame Casey Anthony Verdict on Obama, Gay Marriage, and Cuba

| July 8, 2011 | 0 Comments

Washington DC: The results are in: Floridian ex-mom Casey Anthony has been found not guilty of 1st degree murder in the death of her 2 year old daughter Caylee. For many, the outrage has saturated the media more so than the O.J. Simpson verdict. This could be blamed for the social advancement of the internet, as it cannot be known if angry white people would have created Facebook groups calling for a lynching in the 90s.

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Public Surprised MySpace Still Active All this Time

Public Surprised MySpace Still Active All this Time

| July 5, 2011 | 0 Comments

The improbable has happened. After two years of lurking in the shadows of Facebook, MySpace showed the world that it was, somehow, still around this week by being sold by News Corp. for around $35 million. MySpace itself has begun migrating its application to Facebook, emailing a like for users to “like” them on Facebook. currently they have 556,260 versus Facebook’s 47,000,000+.

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Partiers Look to Avoid 4th of July Rush

Partiers Look to Avoid 4th of July Rush

| July 1, 2011 | 0 Comments

Nationwide, US— In an effort to avoid the inevitable holiday crowds this 4th of July weekend, revelers are finding creative ways to get out ahead of the curve in their celebrations.

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