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Russia, Putin Improve Tolerance, Start Week with Minimal Beatings, Arrests of LGBT

Russia, Putin Improve Tolerance, Start Week with Minimal Beatings, Arrests of LGBT

| February 18, 2014 | 0 Comments

In an effort to curtail the global view of Russia as an ignorant, gay-bashing, fascist nation, President Vladimir Putin finally put his amnesty program into action when two members of Pussy Riot, the protest group that plays punk music when it has a chance, were allegedly detained by the Sochi police on Tuesday and later released.

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Vice President Biden Pouts about Not Being Invited to Republican Party

Vice President Biden Pouts about Not Being Invited to Republican Party

| February 17, 2014 | 0 Comments

There is still a Republican Party in Washington, but don’t tell Vice President Joe Biden because he’s in denial that he missed it.

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Nerdy Guys Broken by Ellen Page Coming Out

Nerdy Guys Broken by Ellen Page Coming Out

| February 15, 2014 | 0 Comments

In a statement that has crushed nerdy guys everywhere, Ellen Page openly revealed herself as gay.

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Russia Overtakes US in Joke Race Due to Washington DC Snow Closing

Russia Overtakes US in Joke Race Due to Washington DC Snow Closing

| February 13, 2014 | 0 Comments

It took over 50 years, but Russia was able to overtake the US in the international mockery race with news that Washington D.C. would be closed due to snow.

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Vuvuzela Horn Rally Turns Violent in Venezuela

Vuvuzela Horn Rally Turns Violent in Venezuela

| February 13, 2014 | 0 Comments

Thousands of citizens in Venezuela gather in protest for what is believed to be an anti-vuvuzela campaign.

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News Anchor Will Apologize to Samuel L. Jackson with Film Tribute

News Anchor Will Apologize to Samuel L. Jackson with Film Tribute

| February 11, 2014 | 0 Comments

The reporter who mistook Samuel L. Jackson for Laurence Fisburne yesterday plans to honor the actor with a news segment highlighting his finest work in cinema.

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Shia LaBeouf Submits Meltdown for Oscar Consideration

Shia LaBeouf Submits Meltdown for Oscar Consideration

| February 10, 2014 | 0 Comments

In a recent excuse that fooled no one, former child actor and current Hollywood headcase Shia LaBeouf explained away his odd behavior these past few months by calling it performance art. Translated into English from the vague fulosheiten language LaBeouf was using, “performance art” means “I meant to do that.”

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Bill Gates Begins Rampage Through Microsoft Campus

Bill Gates Begins Rampage Through Microsoft Campus

| February 6, 2014 | 0 Comments

Bill Gates returns to Microsoft, and he is not amused.

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Congress Votes to Ban “That Hook Thing That Scrapes Your Teeth at the Dentist”

Congress Votes to Ban “That Hook Thing That Scrapes Your Teeth at the Dentist”

| February 6, 2014 | 0 Comments

Following President Barack Obama’s plea for Congress to finally work together to resolve disputes over issues such as healthcare reform and renewable energy sources, Congress has voted to ban dental scalers

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World Bored by Another Woody Allen Scandal

World Bored by Another Woody Allen Scandal

| February 4, 2014 | 0 Comments

In the latest development of Woody Allen’s life as a dirty old man, adopted daughter Dylan Farrow has implicated the actor/comedian/director in another round of sexual abuse allegations, which have become as obvious as his later films.

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