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Curt Shilling Alive and Well Annoying Public after Boston Bombing
Boston, MA: In the wake of the bombing at the Boston Marathon, the sports world was riveted in an extremely quiet celebration when it was believed that former Red Sox star pitcher and daily loudmouth Curt Shilling was injured in the catastrophe. While many believed that any injury would only lead to Shilling broadcasting from [...]
Americans Mistake Chechens for Alien Race in Defiance
Boston, MA: As the dust has settled and suspects are gathered up in relation to the bombing at the Boston Marathon, it seems that more questions than answers are rising. Some conspiracy theorists have called the attack a “false flag” operation, and took to such acclaimed news outlets such as 4chan and imgur to explain [...]
Ryan Gosling Role of Hollywood Hottie to be Filled by Joe Schmo
Tampa, FL: Last month, it was announced that Canadian actor Ryan Gosling would be taking a break from acting. Gosling held a press conference at the Beverly Hills Hotel to announce his intention, much to the chagrin of millions of Americans who are consistently annoyed by the inane ramblings and complaints of countless actors who [...]
Congress Passes Gun Control
Washington, DC: Today, a joint commission of Republicans and Democrats called a press conference to announce they had finally come to an agreement and passed landmark gun control legislation, an act that seemed lost last week. President Obama was on hand to congratulate senators and representatives of Congress in person, eventually taking the podium to [...]
Boston Marathon Cowboy to get Own TV Doctor Series
Boston, MA: In the wake of the devastation of the Boston Marathon, one beacon of light ran into our lives, literally. He showed not only how strong human compassion is, but that there has been one final spin-off available in medical shows on television that has remained untapped until now. He is Carlos Arredondo, aka [...]
Horrible Horoscopes: Week of 4-15-2013
It’s been a foggy night, and I can’t tell if the stars are there or have all burst and become black holes. No matter. I’ll wing this week’s horoscopes. It probably won’t make much of difference on my 50-50 shot of being right.
Assh*les Unite Against Sodomy
Richmond, Virginia: Yesterday, Virginia Attorney General Ken Cuccinelli organized a rally in front of the state court house in support of anti-sodomy laws. Cuccinelli reached out to groups all over the country in order to bring together the largest showing of assholes to date. “We really got in there, you know?” stated one of Cuccinelli’s [...]
MLB Baseball: Parody Rankings Week 2
Baseball opened up with as many surprises as there were expectations. SURPRISE! The Astros won their first game. SURPRISE! They haven’t won a game since. So let the predictions of Week 2 commence with our MLB Parody Rankings.
Horrible Horoscopes: Week of 4-11-2013
The stars are bastards. They build you up only to break you down, then take the kids, the house, and all of your money so you’re left in a boarding house where you share a toilet with a sex offender named Marcus. Oh yeah, we’re talking about astrology. Here are your horoscopes. Suck it. [...]
MLB Baseball: Parody Rankings Week 3
The events at the Boston Marathon were heart-breaking, but the effects of the tragedy can be considered inspiring. Not only were people running towards the explosions to do what they could to help total strangers, but sports rivalries were erased as Yankees Stadium played “Sweet Caroline” just as how Fenway Park played “New York, New [...]
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