Book Reviews
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The Art Book brings a lot to the coffee table. Newcomers can learn the language of art without being overwhelmed by it. The vast collection and informative text make this volume an invaluable sourcebook for students. Those well-acquainted with the art world will surely appreciate the breadth of this assortment.

Critics Den
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28 Weeks Later (directed by Juan Carlos Fresnadillo) brings modern age zombies back to the big screen, but cult fans of the original film 28 Days Later may want to save their dollars until this one hits the video store.

Politics
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Washington, DC: In his first act since the issuing of the National Security and Homeland Security Presidential Directive, George W. Bush has canceled the upcoming 2008 presidential election, citing a threat to democracy. The Commander-in-Chief issued a statement from the White House steps yesterday explaining his actions.

“The US population would be profoundly affected in the event of a presidential election in 2008. The introduction of a new administration would disrupt the current infrastructure. My ability to function as this great nation’s leader would be undermined on an extraordinary level. New policies regarding the environment and the economy may prove severely affective. These possibilities present a definite threat to the American way of life as we’ve come to know it over the past six years.”

Politics
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CRAWFORD, TX: At a press conference today, President Bush vowed to veto any efforts to have him removed from office, now or in the foreseeable future. Speaking from a barcalounger at his ranch in Crawford, Texas, President Bush told reporters that he would strike down any attempts to force him to make way for a new President. Bush said, “I have come to the decision that changing horses midstream is a terrible bad idea. And since this war on terror—a war that will not have an end in any real sense—continues, I must continue on as leader of the United States of America.”

Critics Den
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Maroon 5 came crashing onto the music scene in 2002 with a sound that was catchy and new (provided you’d never heard anything from Motown, ever). Their album “Songs About Jane” sold fifty gajillion copies worldwide. Four singles were released from the album, and those four singles took up 97.2% of the airtime on radio stations for a two-year period.

Critics Den
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With the imminent release of Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, as well as the fact that this website is still too new and developing for me to get a fancy critics screening pass, I decided to instead begin this week with a review of the trilogy thus far. So abandon all hope of part three talk, all ye who enter here, and fear not, for thar be the last o’ me pirate-speak for the rest of this piece.

Opinions
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So, I went to this little hole in the wall place that I frequent often. It’s an old school video store, the kind you never see anymore. They’ve got over 8,000 videos in their selection, most of them on VHS some of the movies available aren’t even on DVD yet.

National
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They’re not just for wealthy eccentrics anymore. The police department of the City of Long Beach has jumped on the latest trend for slow travel with minimal perspiration. Last week boardwalk patrols were outfitted with Segway® personal transporters. These glamorized electric scooters have been popping up everywhere since their invention in 2001, from cities to paved trails through the park.

These scooters are two-wheeled, using a gyroscope to balance as well as adjust its direction and speed based on the rider’s body motion. Police officers nationwide are now using them in place of the tiresome bicycle in areas such as city streets, boardwalks, and parks, as well as any other public space where you don’t have to go too fast while dodging through groups of people. By using these chariots of the incredibly obnoxious, it is hoped that officers will be able to catch shop-lifters and drunken bums without having to break a sweat, with only the cost of five thousand dollars per unit.

Critics Den
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Just in time to be extremely early for its DVD release(that’s our story, and we’re sticking to it), three of our movie critics review the double feature Grindhouse with Death Proof and Planet Terror, spawned by Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez, and question if Thanksgiving and Don’t will ever make it to the big-screen.

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