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Surgeon General Places Warning on NY Jets Fans

Surgeon General Places Warning on NY Jets Fans

| January 19, 2011 | 0 Comments

Flushing Meadows, NY: Jets fans, not generally known for their intellect, have been issued a stern warning from the Surgeon General of the United States, Regina Benjamin. This was in the wake of several fatalities following the unlikely Jets victory against the Patriots. In one such fatality a fan decided to sled into oncoming traffic. This proved to be problematic as the sled’s imaginary air bag never deployed, nor did its antilock blades. Overtaxed city workers are still cleaning up this mess.

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NFL Powder Puff Picks: Divisional Playoffs

NFL Powder Puff Picks: Divisional Playoffs

| January 15, 2011 | 0 Comments

Welcome back, football fans, to our quasi-professional football picks! We’re up to the Divisional Playoffs with the scores getting tighter. Since the Seahawks won, really, anything can happen!

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Pete Carroll Plans Hug Parade to Super Bowl XLV

Pete Carroll Plans Hug Parade to Super Bowl XLV

| January 11, 2011 | 0 Comments

Seattle, WA: Pete Carroll has heard many things this year as the head coach of the Seattle Seahawks: how his college coaching style won’t work; how Matt Hasselbeck is finally showing his age in play as well as lack of hair; how players on the opposite team won’t hug their old coach; how the Seahawks had no chance of making the playoffs, which led into how the Seahawks had no chance of beating the New Orleans Saints in the playoffs. Now, Pete Carroll has some choice words for everyone else to hear. “This is destiny. My dream to make it through to the end with my team this season has now become reality,” stated Carroll. “We’re going to the promised land, baby!”

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NFL Powder Puff Picks: Wild-Card Weekend

NFL Powder Puff Picks: Wild-Card Weekend

| January 6, 2011 | 0 Comments

Welcome back, football fans, to our quasi-professional football picks! The regular season ended with Steve Elle having a commanding lead, but it’s not over yet. Playoffs, Super Bowl, Pro Bowl, and draft incuctions may still play a part in who gets the trophy!

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Ben Roethlisberger’s Engagement Ordered by Court

Ben Roethlisberger’s Engagement Ordered by Court

| January 5, 2011 | 0 Comments

Atlanta, GA: Recent rumors of Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger’s engagement to Ashley Harlan have begun circulating these past 24 hours, along with critiques on how anyone, female, male, or eunuch, could possibly say yes. Sources from the Atlanta Court of Appeals have confirmed “an engagement” Roethlisberger’s, but one far less romantic than anyone could imagine, less so than getting tanked up and led into a public restroom.

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NFL Powder Puff Picks: Week 17

NFL Powder Puff Picks: Week 17

| December 31, 2010 | 0 Comments

Welcome back, football fans, to our quasi-professional football picks! Each week we will pick game winners based on Vegas over/under lines, and add some sharp commentary to key games. This is the last week of regular picks, but don’t worry. We’ll be picking everything from playoff games to the Pro Bowl, and maybe even some draft picks(thanks, Steve.)

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Carl Pavano Injures Wrist Signing Contract with Yankees

Carl Pavano Injures Wrist Signing Contract with Yankees

| December 31, 2010 | 0 Comments

Bronx, NY: The free agent market in Major League Baseball was thrown a curveball yesterday, as starting pitcher Carl Pavano was set to ink a 7 year, $115 million contract with the New York Yankees, until Pavano injured his wrist while trying to sign his name to the paperwork.

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NFL Powder Puff Picks: Week 16

NFL Powder Puff Picks: Week 16

| December 23, 2010 | 0 Comments

Welcome back, football fans, to our quasi-professional football picks! Each week we will pick game winners based on Vegas over/under lines, and add some sharp commentary to key games. We’re getting down to the wire. Let’s see if it gets any easier.

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NFL Powder Puff Picks: Week 15

NFL Powder Puff Picks: Week 15

| December 16, 2010 | 0 Comments

Welcome back, football fans, to our quasi-professional football picks! Each week we will pick game winners based on Vegas over/under lines, and add some sharp commentary to key games. After the raping and pillaging of our picks last week, our pseduo-professional sports analysts are out with a vengeance.

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NFL Powder Puff Picks: Week 14

NFL Powder Puff Picks: Week 14

| December 9, 2010 | 0 Comments

Welcome back, football fans, to our quasi-professional football picks! Each week we will pick game winners based on Vegas over/under lines, and add some sharp commentary to key games. The records have been getting closer and closer. The top has become the bottom! Takers become givers! Insert your ridiculously provacative copy here!

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