La Princessa spews her witty opinions of today’s current events!
Well, today I turned 46 years old, and compared to my 5th birthday, this is probably one of the most grim ones I have lived through yet.
The girls at the office here arranged for me to have the pizza of my choosing (Canadian bacon and sauerkraut) and a cake with my name misspelled at 11:30, after which I headed out to the alley to have a cigarette.
Jess returns to The Owl to vent about anything that catches her eye in the news!
Das Pope arrived in the UK this week, amid feelings of high anticipation that he may at last put paid* to the overwhelming amount of sexual scandals and media innuendos surrounding his Church.
But important questions remain. Like: Who would win in a fight ? The Pope or B.A. Baracus ?
I would like to blame my long absence from The Owl on something exotic, like a pilgrimage to Tibet, a trip to Italy, or even some crippling illness, but it is due to something much more sinister… Cable television!
Back in March, my dad decided to buy us a year of cable. I told him I wouldn’t get a thing done if that were to happen, but he insisted (the service included phone and internet as well).
In a time when England is already feeling the highly anticipated embarrasment caused by its national Hairdressing, sorry, Soccer team, and suffering the brunt of President Obama’s scathing attack on BP , it seems that it is third time unlucky, as once again the USA stomps its hefty foot on this small green Island.
Barack Obama, not content with blaming the British for the oil spill off the coast of Florida, has now made additional verbal attacks on the UK Government for its Emergency Budget, designed to get the country back on its feet following the US (sorry, World) banking crisis.
Very soon, the country in which I live will temporarily change its name. For a period of around two weeks, starting on June 11th, it will be illegal for any native citizens to refer to it as ‘England’. This is because The FIFA World Cup kicks off in South Africa on June 11th, and it’s the Daddy of all football (soccer)tournaments.
The correct pronunciation for the duration of the contest is “In – Gerr -Lernd”, with the “Lernd” split into two syllables, with the pitch of the second syllable dropped by a tone and a half. The whole word should also take at least a second and a half to say, with a slight fade at the end.
I received this Email a while ago and I thought it and my reply were Owl-worthy. As a reporter, I feel the need to illuminate the public consciousness and inform people of what is going on in the world we live in.
Today, we begin stripping naked the international Email scammer, and giggling at him as he attempts to cover his shame and shortcomings.
My work with Patrick has been about exposing the seething underbelly of society from the very being, that and rolling up in a corner and laughing at how dumb we are collectively.
So welcome to the clean and shiny face of the UK.
We have a brand new, fresh out of the box, Prime Minister here in England. Gone are the days of the George W.C Bush butt-plug we all knew as Tony B. Liar. Almost immediately forgotten are the two short years of unelected leader Gordon ‘Golden’ Brown, widely regarded as the worst PM the country ever had….but…
…you ain’t seen nothin’ yet. But you will…see a whole load of nothing.
Have you ever had to work with somebody who is so incredibly stubborn that they need to have things done their way, regardless of whether or not their way actually makes any sense? They have such a need to control the situation that they’d rather go scuba diving with an empty tank than have somebody hand them one filled with oxygen, just because they picked up the empty one first and refuse to admit their mistake?
There’s this woman I work with. For the sake of anonymity, let’s call her Broomhilda Witchy Ass Pants.