RSSCategory: National

Spoiled Rich Kids Cower In Terror of Affluenza Outbreak

Spoiled Rich Kids Cower In Terror of Affluenza Outbreak

| December 18, 2013 | 0 Comments

It has now been learned that being a spoiled rich kid also comes with the genetic disposition to become afflicted with a harrowing condition known as affluenza.

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Volcker Rule Requires Bankers to Pinky-Swear Not to Crash Economy

Volcker Rule Requires Bankers to Pinky-Swear Not to Crash Economy

| December 16, 2013 | 0 Comments

Washington, DC: Proponents of financial reform are celebrating the revised Volcker Rule, which imposes a strict requirement that the heads of the banking industry promise to never ruin the economy again.  This promise will be sealed by a traditional legal contract referred to as pinky jurare.  This is when the two parties lock pinkies while […]

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War on Christmas Portrays Historical Discrimination Against Rich, White, Christian Men

War on Christmas Portrays Historical Discrimination Against Rich, White, Christian Men

| December 16, 2013 | 0 Comments

Look out, minorities. There’s a new socially maligned group in the United States, and they’re not going to take it anymore: rich, white, Christian men.

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Volcker Rule Raises Eyes in Banks, Vegas

Volcker Rule Raises Eyes in Banks, Vegas

| December 13, 2013 | 0 Comments

Las Vegas, NV: With the adoption of the latest Dodd-Frank financial overhaul law, dubbed “the Volcker Rule,” set to be implemented in 2015, banks aren’t the only companies scurrying for shelter.

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Lawmakers Pass Landmark Toy Gun Control Law

Lawmakers Pass Landmark Toy Gun Control Law

| December 12, 2013 | 0 Comments

The Nerf Nerf™ Act, requires those interested in owning a toy gun to pass an extensive background check.

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Santorum Compares Mandela’s Fight Against Apartheid to First World US Problems

Santorum Compares Mandela’s Fight Against Apartheid to First World US Problems

| December 6, 2013 | 0 Comments

Rick Santorum recently compared Nelson Mandela to the crusty old white men of Congress in a declaration of honor.

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Dick Cousin Refuses to Pass Gravy on Thanksgiving

Dick Cousin Refuses to Pass Gravy on Thanksgiving

| November 29, 2013 | 0 Comments

Preliminary reports for Thanksgiving indicate that dick cousin Andrew McDonald refused to pass anyone the gravy boat.

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George Zimmerman Currently On Front Lawn Digging Massive Hole

George Zimmerman Currently On Front Lawn Digging Massive Hole

| November 22, 2013 | 1 Comment

George Zimmerman, arrested once again, is out on his front lawn digging a very large hole and does not show any signs of stopping.

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Tea Party Congressman Trey Radel Becomes Bored with Tea, Opts for Cocaine

Tea Party Congressman Trey Radel Becomes Bored with Tea, Opts for Cocaine

| November 20, 2013 | 0 Comments

The Tea Party contemplates a name change after congressmember Trey Radel’s recent charge of cocaine possession.

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Storm Leads to Tornadoes, Death, and Fallen Leaves Right Where Local Man Raked

Storm Leads to Tornadoes, Death, and Fallen Leaves Right Where Local Man Raked

| November 18, 2013 | 0 Comments

On Sunday, a fast-moving storm lead to the development of a delay in the Chicago Bears game, fallen leaves, as well as a few tornadoes and human casualties.

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