Category: Business
Rumors Emerge About iPhone 5 Spokesperson
Cupertino, CA: This past month, the technology rumor mill has been cranking in anticipation of Apple’s latest legendary invention: the iPhone…5. While the idea is plausible that the iPhone 5 would be released eventually, considering Apple’s dead-pan creativity with naming their products, iPhonophiles are hopeful that the future version will have features such as a [...]
University of Phoenix Announces New Field of Study: Student Debt
Phoenix, AZ: Last month, the University of Phoenix unveiled a new department for registration. The department is called “Student Debt Studies” and boasts a catalog of ten courses covering the subject of owing money for getting educated and preparing students for a future of misery and ramen noodles. The department will combine a number of [...]
Google Glasses Ignore Warnings from Futurama
San Francisco, CA: For the first time since its launch as a search engine, the internet monolith Google has done the seemingly impossible: beat Apple to a technological advancement by ripping off a Futurama reference to Apple. The technology? Google glasses, aka Project Glass. The almost glassless glasses, set to feature a small screen in [...]
Canada Nixes Penny; US to Reintroduce Half Cent
Toronto, Canadialand—Today, the Canadian government announced a decision to no longer use the Canadian penny. Due to inflation, a lack of coin purses, and the fact that Coinstar charges more to count a penny than one gets to cash it in, the Canadian finance minister Jim Flaherty said it was no longer sensible to mint the copper coins.
Holiday Bonuses Replaced With E-Gifts
With the holidays in full swing and the economy lagging a bit behind, businesses both small and large have begun looking into alternatives to the normal holiday essentials that many employees have come to rely on: the corporate booze party where co-workers come together in friendship, and the copier room always needs to be disinfected; thoughtful gifts like coupon books, corporate-inscribed stationary, and memberships to the “Butter of the Month” Club; bonus checks.
Occupy Wall Street to Become Occupy Macy’s
New York City–Having been kicked out of various parks, bridges, and underpasses across New York City, the two-month-old Occupy Wall Street movement has decided to select a new location for their efforts: Macy’s Herald Square.
Facebook to Institute Fees for Users Spreading Faulty Fee Posts
While most of these rumor hoaxes have been shut down thanks to actual news reports, Snopes.com , and basic common sense, there are others that still believe the day of Facebook charges is coming. Due to this unwavering belief, Facebook co-creator and CEO Mark Zuckerberg released a statement earlier today to those rumor-millers.
Public Surprised MySpace Still Active All this Time
The improbable has happened. After two years of lurking in the shadows of Facebook, MySpace showed the world that it was, somehow, still around this week by being sold by News Corp. for around $35 million. MySpace itself has begun migrating its application to Facebook, emailing a like for users to “like” them on Facebook. currently they have 556,260 versus Facebook’s 47,000,000+.
Tech Geek Beats SiriusXM with Free Services, $50,000 Car System
Huntington, NY: In the world of the internet, he or she who has the most free toys, wins. One savvy techno-whiz, Paul Shenker, took this idea to the outer limits when trying to organize the best free-based car stereo system on the planet, no matter how much he would have to pay up-front. “I’ve been trying to get free crap since I was in pre-school,” explined Mr. Shenker. “We would line up for milk, and I would make sure I was at the front. That way I could change into my other clothes underneath the Little Tykes table, slap a hat on my head, and get a second round. Easy.”
Charlie Sheen Done with Drugs, Now Selling Coffee and Animal Blood
Hollywood/Chicago: The beat goes on for Charlie Sheen. Now content with taking only the drug known as ‘Charlie Sheen’, Sheen has traded his addiction to drugs and hookers in for an addiction to caffeine and further lunacy.
