Author Archive: Rick Bernardo
American Horror Story Takes Page From Melrose Place
Hollywood, CA: Heralded as one of the best dramatic horror series since HBO’s Carnivale by absolutely no-one and ABC’s Dark Shadows by co-creator Ryan Murphy, American Horror Story seemed poised to help create a solid foundation for the television genre with help from AMC’s The Walking Dead. The combination of ghost story, adultery, and Jessica Lange was a cohesive equation, which was proven by way of Golden Globe nominations. It was in the final episodes, however, that the series took a turn for the overly dramatic…
Holiday Bonuses Replaced With E-Gifts
With the holidays in full swing and the economy lagging a bit behind, businesses both small and large have begun looking into alternatives to the normal holiday essentials that many employees have come to rely on: the corporate booze party where co-workers come together in friendship, and the copier room always needs to be disinfected; thoughtful gifts like coupon books, corporate-inscribed stationary, and memberships to the “Butter of the Month” Club; bonus checks.
Elf On The Shelf Found Dead
Tragedy has struck the holiday season, as an elf on the shelf at the Madison famiy residence was found mutilated in front of the living room fireplace early this morning.
Music Artist/Dictator Kim Jong-il Dies Amid Speculation
Pyongyang, NORTH KOREA: The highly possible, thought to have already happened and covered up by the use of body-doubles, has supposedly happened: North Korean dictator/rap artist/movie director/aviator trend-setter has passed away. The official reports state that Kim suffered a heart attack while riding a train on Dec. 17, and died of complications. However, many are under the suspicion that the East Coast VS West Coast cold war that escalated this past decade may have led to the demise. The news came as suddenly as any other seemingly doctored news that comes out of North Korea, as media reports from the country are alluding to the possibility that the rap feud between the United States and North Korea had something to do with “Dear Leader’s” death.
Rick Perry Bus Mix-Up Starts Off Tour
Council Bluffs, IA: Texas Governor Rick Perry gave his presidential campaign a jump-start today with the beginning of a 42-city tour in Iowa in order to strengthen his bid during the Iowa caucuses. Unfortunately, the tour stalled for a moment, when on of Perry’s slick media transportation bus allegedly ran into electrical problems, forcing a replacement to be found. The replacement: a 2-tiered rainbow-colored British tour bus that public relations agents quickly draped with Rick Perry logos
Public Tires of Lindsay Lohan’s Breasts
Los Angeles, CA: When it comes to Lindsay Lohan being naked, few things can surprise the masses. This is, in part, due to the many paparazzi photos that seem to catch female celebrities in just that right moment, whether it be by use of a camera’s burst mode as she leaves a car, or as she walks into a coffee house to get a vanilla latte while topless.
Little Women the Musical: A Manly Preview
Little Women the Musical is slated to be experienced during the next two weeks in the greater New York Metropolitan area at The Secret Theatre, I, for one, am excited, with no resemblance to the online predator meme of pedo-bear. Promise.
Former NBA Phenom Spud Webb to Coach Stripper Basketball
New York, NY: With the NBA at a crossroads due the the recent lock-out, sports enthusiasts across the nation were confused with what to watch during the week when football wasn’t on. Some reinvested themselves into college basketball before March Madness; others decided to give hockey another shot. Many radio sports personalities found solace in constantly talking about dirty old men on college campuses. Rick’s Cabaret, however, found another way: a basketball league with honor and love of the game and not the money; a league that doesn’t keep the offense on top and the defense on the bottom; players with individual skills as well as team play.
Patrice O’Neal’s Fear of Planes Unfounded
Los Angeles, CA: Controversial stand-up comic Patrice O’Neal, well-known for his comedy on stage as well as on the radio, was recently forced to give up on another one of his cleaner jokes when he passed away this morning due to complications of a stroke that he suffered last month.
While We Were Bored: a Dedication to Eli Manning
He’s been jeered about his gigantic helmet, being compared to Dark Helmet from Spaceballs and Kazoo from The Flintstones. He’s been ridiculed about his on-the-field demeanor in the viral “Aw Shucks” nickname. He’s been labelled borderline retarded due to his faces, running ability, and decision-making. But that wasn’t enough for me. So I introduce to you my pictorial dedication to Eli Manning.
