US Wags Finger Forcefully at Palestine
Throughout the past few weeks, Palestine has launched tens of rockets across the border, destroying almost an acre of corn, killing two lambs and starting a small fire in a National park.
Author Ben Batorsky
Eric Cantor Defeated in Primary by Small Guppy Named Pedro
House Majority Leader Eric Cantor was handed an historic defeat in the Republican primary yesterday by a local house pet.
US Government Finally Stops Using Internet Explorer Due to National Security Risks
The Department of Homeland Security began putting a plan into action yesterday that would shift government offices away from the use of Internet Explorer.
BP Study Confirms Benefits of Oil Spills
British Petroleum spokesman Gerald McSlick announced the results of a two-year study that proves oil spills may actually be good for the environment.
Congress Offers Campaign Finance Package Deals at Low Low Prices
With the removal of the cap on campaign contributions last week, Congress has begun putting forth methods to entice election buyers.
Texas Institutes All Creationism Curriculum in Schools
Rick Perry announced the institution of a new curriculum of creationism in state schools that would “teach the controversy.”
Paul Ryan’s Free Lunch Raises Suspicions of Other Anti-Welfare Anecdotes
The possible inaccuracies of Rep. Paul Ryan’s free lunch story has undermined many other conservative anecdotes.
CIA Accused of Spying on CIA
Reports revealed an extensive surveillance effort lead by the Central Intelligence Agency to investigate the activities of the Central Intelligence Agency.
Russia Claims It’s “Totally Not” Invading Ukraine
Putin claims Russian military exercises are “no big deal,” cites international tank show in Iran.
Comcast Unveils “Basic Human Dignity” Service Plan
Comcast unveils news service plans for cable, phone, and internet: the higher-cost “Basic Human Dignity” plan and the low-cost “Comcast Classic.”
