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As the managing editor of The Inept Owl, Patrick has sworn to uphold the honor and integrity of hard-hitting journalism...but only on Sundays at 10am.

Entertainment
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With his suitcase packed, car gassed up, and everything he knows about independent film festivals tossed into a dumpster, our fearless editor gets ready to visit sunny Asbury Park, New Jersey to experience Troma Entertainment’s resurrection of what independent film-making is all about.

Forget Sundance. Utah sucks. Get ready for Tromadance.

(e)Mail Day!
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I’m not sure if Ulysses is our biggest fan, or biggest hater. His words sound like what I say every time I see a new Stephen Dorff movie, The Phantom Menace, or Indiana Jones and The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. It’s tough to gauge.

Entertainment
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Our editor sits down with director Frank Sabatella and special effects artist Jeremy Selenfriend to discuss Sabatella’s major directorial debut, Blood Night: The Legend of Mary Hatchet. The movie itself is set to be a testament of adoration to the slasher movies of yore or, to not make us feel so old, the 80s.

Through this interview, both Frank and Jeremy enlighten us on everything from how the movie came to be to casting, special effects, and even opinions on remakes.

Opinions
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In March of 2008, the war in Iraq will begin its sixth year. In that month we will be half way to matching the record, held currently by the war in Vietnam, for lengthiest military exercise the United States has committed itself to. With new estimates projecting that the U.S. military may be stationed in Iraq until 2017, if not longer, we will soon have a new all time record holder to add to our collection. Semper Fi indeed.

Critics Den
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To say that Clark Greg’s inaugural opus, Choke, is strange does not do it justice. Just ask the old lady who sat a row behind me in the theater and continually exclaimed, “This is just so . . . weird,” in five minute intervals throughout the entire movie. She’ll tell you. Really, ask her.

Opinions
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Ashton Kutcher? Really?

I mean, they could have put Carrot-Top in there, and it probably wouldn’t have been so f*cking cheesy. A line of actors and actresses, acting horribly(especially at the beginning) is supposed to coax me to vote?

If it wasn’t for the necessary research I had to do to warn all of you about this video, I probably would have stopped watching 30 seconds in. Then I would have said, “Well, the kid from Superbad was funny at least.” Which is true. His lines were great, as well as Jennifer Aniston’s “I hear polar bears can swim.”

(e)Mail Day!
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I would like to personally thank “Ken” for setting us straight about what is truly important to music and the arts.

But I’m on to YOU, “KEN,” or, dare I say, leader of the Blowfish.

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