Mary Gibson sat up from her MacBook with a satisfied look on her face and a smile on her L’Oreal Enduring Berry lips. She had just finished inserting the last few brand names into her article about articles about Millennials, finding that perfect balance between timely satire and complete jibberish. She sent an Outlook attachment with the article to her editor and looked around at her coworkers over the half-cubicle walls. She had done a service, she thought.
Gibson is part of the growing movement of late Millennials, those going on thirty and realizing their generation is missing out on being consequential, who are taking up the crosses of the beleaguered Millennials. Though statistics suggest actual Millennials will be more talented, passionate and therefore lower-paid than Gibson’s generation, the desire to make a difference before the general ennui of nearing forty sits in is strong.
“I’m really tired of mainstream media making generalizations about our generation,” said Fred Nelson, a reporter for the Wall Street Journal who says he lives in a recently gentrified neighborhood in Brooklyn, but actually lives in Park Slope. “They’re all a bunch of old white men who can’t take that the world changes. They’re like so Mr. Belding.” He looked around nervously. “Saved By the Bell is still relevant, right?”
“The key issue is diversity, you know?” explained Jim Moore, an Irish Catholic wearing a kaffiyeh. “The older generation can’t stand all these new cultures in the workplace. We’re different here at JP Morgan. I mean, just last week we all ordered Thai on Grub Street.” He then pulled up his iPhone and started poking at it, struggling to open the app.
We attempted to get the viewpoint of actual Millennials about articles about articles about Millennials, but found that they were all too busy looking for jobs.