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Asinine Election Analysis 2016: Zoltan Istvan


Our asinine political analysis breaks down dark horse Transhumanist presidential candidate Zoltan Istvan.

Name: Zoltan Istvan

Nickname: The Science Candidate

Political Affiliation: Transhumanist Party

Status: Driving a Coffin-Shaped RV to Muster Support

Known For:  Science Philosophy Writing, Futurism, Having a Weird Last Name

Likes: Science, Computers, Immortality, Volcano-Boarding, Embracing Everything Conspiracy Theorists Fear About the New World Order

Dislikes: Politicians, Death, Probably Team Sports

Public Outlook: Usually presidential candidates try to build upon their social and political philosophy and party in order to have a shot at becoming president. For Zoltan Istvan, it seems that the opposite is true: he’s running for president in order to help build his social and political philosophy that scientific advancement is the most important aspect of civilization and should cut into the military nest egg of the government. He’s not in it to win it. He’s in it to give us an earful about transhumanism.

Transhumanism is a philosophy that basically strives to better the human race through technology. This basically means that, unless you think we should still be running around naked, trying to beat animals with our bare hands, and dying at the ripe old age of 40, you probably have transhumanist tendencies. But Zoltan Istvan takes things a step further in his hopes. He wants us all to live forever, without explaining how Social Security would work. Instead of the fear of a New World Order, like so many conspiracy theorists believe in, Istvan wants that New World Order to be a network of self-aware computers, but keep it under control so it doesn’t become Skynet, leading John Connor has to send people back to assassinate Istvan and give Arnold Schwarzenegger another movie role.

Pros: Who doesn’t want to live forever, and maybe get into a relationship along the lines of Spike Jonze’s Her?

Cons: We don’t need Arnold Schwarzenegger in another Terminator movie.

Quote: “My goal is to try to tell the public that America could use more science and technology in all aspects of its life.”

Check out all of the 2016 presidential candidates by clicking here.

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Patrick is the man behind the man behind the site behind the man.... When he isn't writing for The Inept Owl, saving penguins from Hulk Hogan, and other activities that could be either truths or lies, he's editing everything else.

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