Our asinine political analysis breaks down dark horse Democratic presidential candidate Roque De La Fuente.
Name: Roque De La Fuente
Nickname: Rocky, El Donaldo
Political Affiliation: Democratic Party
Status: Trying to get on the debate stage. Any debate stage. He’ll debate with Clinton and Sanders about Fuller House if that’s what it takes.
Known For: Former car salesman turned real estate developer turned presidential candidate. Fuente is like a Hispanic American Donald Trump except that Rocky wears his hair as nature intended.
Likes: Civil Rights, Business, Asking Lots of Rhetorical Questions on His Website Instead of Giving Answers
Dislikes: Immigration Policies, Extensive Military, Donald Trump, Answering His Rhetorical Questions
Public Outlook: Few voters know that there is still a choice in the Democratic primaries. Well, many Democratic primaries, since he’s not on every state’s ticket: Rocky De La Fuente! Very little is known about Rocky, considering his lack of advertising, discussion of issues, or anything else that matters in a presidential election. We do know that Rocky De La Fuente was able to gather enough signatures to make it onto the Democratic primary ticket of most states and spends just enough on his campaign to make it into polls, but too little for him to care about dropping out of the race due to minor issues like “support” or “serious contention.” This is how Donald Trump’s campaign should have been.
Pros: Democratic Party voters have a chance to act just as weird and out of touch with reality as Trump supporters.
Cons: If you’re going to lambast Trump as a joke of a candidate, you can’t turn around and nominate a car salesman for your own party. It’s not even a good joke.
Quote: “I’m probably Trump’s worst nightmare: a successful, first-generation Hispanic American.”