Our asinine political analysis breaks down Republican presidential candidate Rand Paul.

*UPDATE: Rand Paul has suspended his presidential campaign after forgetting to put his Ron Paul mask on for Iowa. *


Name: Rand Paul

Nickname: Ron Jr.

Political Affiliation: Republican Party

Status: Suspended Campaign

Known For: U.S. Senator 2011 – Present, Ron Paul’s Son

Likes: Capitalism, Making Sure No One Thinks He’s Racist, Tea Partiers, Wearing His Sunglasses At Night

Dislikes: Health Care, Commie Bastards, People Who Accidentally Call Him “Ron”

Public Outlook: It was hoped that Rand Paul could use his father’s previous presidential campaign for the name recognition, and maybe even trick voters into think they were supporting Ron Paul again. Unfortunately, either voters in Iowa weren’t duped, or they just didn’t care.

Pros: Wants to reduce the deficit and military spending.

Cons: Would likely leave his father in a home if it was convenient and within health care provisions.

Quote: “The Republican Party’s history is rich and chock full of emancipation and black history.”

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By Patrick AE

Patrick is the man behind the man behind the site behind the man.... When he isn't writing for The Inept Owl, saving penguins from Hulk Hogan, and other activities that could be either truths or lies, he's editing everything else.