Our asinine political analysis breaks down Republican presidential candidate Rand Paul.
*UPDATE: Rand Paul has suspended his presidential campaign after forgetting to put his Ron Paul mask on for Iowa. *
Name: Rand Paul
Nickname: Ron Jr.
Political Affiliation: Republican Party
Status: Suspended Campaign
Known For: U.S. Senator 2011 – Present, Ron Paul’s Son
Likes: Capitalism, Making Sure No One Thinks He’s Racist, Tea Partiers, Wearing His Sunglasses At Night
Dislikes: Health Care, Commie Bastards, People Who Accidentally Call Him “Ron”
Public Outlook: It was hoped that Rand Paul could use his father’s previous presidential campaign for the name recognition, and maybe even trick voters into think they were supporting Ron Paul again. Unfortunately, either voters in Iowa weren’t duped, or they just didn’t care.
Pros: Wants to reduce the deficit and military spending.
Cons: Would likely leave his father in a home if it was convenient and within health care provisions.
Quote: “The Republican Party’s history is rich and chock full of emancipation and black history.”