Our asinine political analysis breaks down Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump.
Name: Donald Trump
Nickname: The Donald
Political Affiliation: Republican Party
Status: Active to public, already president in Trump’s opinion
Known For: Real Estate, Reality Television, Bad Hair
Likes: TV Ratings, Twitter, Money, Making Deals, U.S. Isolationism, Having Foreigners Build Things For Him
Dislikes: Discussing Issues, Comparing Politics to Business Management, Dominatrixes
Public Outlook: Supporters of Donald Trump seem to be slit in terms of the issues: some supporters actually believe in the ideas that Trump seems to brain vomit in front of a camera or on Twitter; other supporters seem to be in the mindset of, “F*&k it, let’s turn Washington upside down.” Non-supporters of Trump are waiting for Peter Funt to come out from behind a curtain and yell, “You’re on Candid Camera!”
Pros: The television ratings on Trump’s presidency would be amazing, and the entire nation could be remodeled: a wall on the southern border, maybe a nice back porch on the West Coast, a pool house around Hawaii, and maybe a huge roof to really close the nation up.
Cons: Could turn America into everything we hate about North Korea, Russia, and Nazi Germany all rolled into one. Or Trump could attempt to trade his position as president in return for land rights to build another golf course.
Quote: “I could stand in the middle of 5th Avenue and shoot somebody and I wouldn’t lose voters.”