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Officials Horrified by How Sketch Artist Depicted Dead Wisconsin Woman Stuffed in a Suitcase

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Town of Geneva Police / June 25, 2014

Town of Geneva Police / June 25, 2014

Milwaukee, WI— The state of Wisconsin has been seen as pleasant and harmless for decades. This is partly due to the population ratio of one hundred cows to every human being as well as the state’s link to one of the least aggressive food products in the world: cheese. Wisconsin’s peaceful demeanor can also be attributed to the state’s comparison to its neighbors. The desolation of Detroit has become the representation of the entire state of Michigan in the eyes of the rest of the country, while Minnesota has suffered its own image crisis with the fear and violence presented in the FX Network series “Fargo.”

Wisconsin’s pristine image was dealt a stunning blow this week when a police sketch artist in Geneva, WI drew a depiction of a woman that was left dead in a group of suitcases along a highway north of the town. A landscaping road crew had found the suitcases on June 5th. When authorities investigated, they found the naked and decomposing bodies of two women.

Former police officer Steve Zelich allegedly met the two women online, and is facing two charges of hiding a corpse. Actual homicide charges are still pending.

“Some people see these separate charges as ridiculous,” stated public defender Marshall Heeler. “But really, how do you know Zelich didn’t have a perfectly good explanation for stripping the clothes off of two dead women, stuffing them in suitcases, and leaving them on the side of the road? Trying to assume anything is ridiculous in this post-OJ era.”

While the idea of two naked, rotting women stuffed into suitcases and left on the side of the road during the summer may seem like the most disturbing element of this case, the Lake Geneva Police Department added to the gruesomeness when an artist’s rendering of one of the deceased was released.

“I have seen some disturbing police sketches in my time. Suspects with no faces. Victims that look like Jesus,” stated New York police sketch artist Dominic Duval. “But the depictions in this case is straight out of the illustration of Stephen Gammell in the ‘Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark’ series.”

The rendering in question is a sketch / photo rendering of what looks to be an extraterrestrial with a woman’s wig on and dental implants. It is unknown if the victim truly looked like this.

“Maybe it’s the best police sketch ever drawn, and this is just one really ugly woman,” continued Duval. “But I’m willing to bet money that’s not the case.”

It is unknown if the sketch artist in question has been relieved of his or her position.

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