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Local Man Forgets About Memorial Day

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New York, NY— For most Americans, Memorial Day is a day of reflection. That reflection may include a visit to the final resting place of a loved one who served in the military or bringing in the summer by getting blind drunk at the closest beach bar and passing out on a sand-dune without any pants. Still, it is a time of remembrance.

For local resident Charles Montgomery, however, this Memorial Day was all but remembered as he found himself locked outside of the office building he visits daily for work.

“I probably should have picked up on it [Memorial Day] when I was on the highway and all the other drivers were in tank-tops and bikinis, or when I got onto the train during rush hour and it was just me and a couple very tired-looking girls dressed up to go clubbing,” explained Montgomery. “But sometimes people have different days off than others, so I didn’t think about it. That, and I hadn’t drank any coffee yet, which puts me in a dazed, auto-pilot mode where I just go through the motions.”

When asked how he didn’t hear about Memorial Day through friends, family, or even advertisements, Montgomery shrugged. “I’m just not down with the lingo these days. A couple of my friends invited me out to a MDW party, but I though it was some sort of raver acronym thing. You know, like EDM or XX or EQPLOG or whatever. Some car dealership sales did the same thing. How was I supposed to know Memorial Day Weekend got so pop culture-y.”

It was not until Charles Montgomery returned home to see that his garbage had not been picked up that it dawned on him that it was a holiday weekend. “There was a moment that I thought maybe the zombie apocalypse had come in the guise of a bunch of Jersey Shore fans. But once I saw on my block that only my trash cans were sitting at the curb, still full and now extremely smelly, I knew there was something I had forgot.”

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Patrick is the man behind the man behind the site behind the man.... When he isn't writing for The Inept Owl, saving penguins from Hulk Hogan, and other activities that could be either truths or lies, he's editing everything else.

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