Washington DC— The latest decision in regards to net neutrality rules was made today by the Federal Communications Commission. Unfortunately, the results of the voting have not been released due to “content providers that do not pay for prioritized access,” which speaks volumes.

The net neutrality rules proposed called for equal treatment of all content traffic on the Internet, but also allowed content providers to pay for priority access, also known as “fast lanes”, delivered by Internet service providers. Opponents of this rule fear that such priority access may lead to an underhanded blocking of less financially-backed online content providers.

FCC Chairman Tom Wheeler stated that this was not the case and stated, “If someone acts to divide the Internet between haves and have-nots, we will use every power to stop it.” Unfortunately, the rest of his comments on the upcoming vote did not load on the content platform that his quote was taken from, as a mysterious “404” error came up at the same time that the vote was supposed to take place.

While the results of the vote may be left to be seen tomorrow in the ancient cultural artifact known as a newspaper, it is highly suspicious that all content based on this ruling and net neutrality is unsearchable at this time.

“As we have said time and time again, we will not block web content from internet access if companies do not pay for preferential treatment,” stated Telecomulus United spokesperson Trent Brock. “Instead, we will just have a subscription link to all their content on the user end. A tip jar, if you will.”

The apparent wipe-out of net neutrality results and debates could very well be the priority access in action, or just server overloads as everyone across the globe races to look up news about it at the same time. Some believe the former, no matter what fact and/or reason may reflect.

“It’s big business, man. They don’t want the people to know the truth,” stated local hippie Skylar Bearswallow. “Internet companies have been blocking my access for years, just because I haven’t paid my bills. Internet is supposed to be free, man! Hear my voice roar! As I type furiously…”

By Patrick AE

Patrick is the man behind the man behind the site behind the man.... When he isn't writing for The Inept Owl, saving penguins from Hulk Hogan, and other activities that could be either truths or lies, he's editing everything else.

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