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Michael Sam Kiss Forces Athletes to Address PDAs with Significant Others



New York, NY— NFL players and media got more than they bargained for when openly gay player Michael Sam was drafted by the St. Louis Rams.

After receiving the phone call that he was the 249th overall pick in the 2014 NFL Draft, an emotional Michael Sam turned to his boyfriend, Vito Cammisano, and kissed him. The event was televised live on CNN, and has opened a Pandora’s Box in sports that some athlete’s wished would stay closeted as much as possible: public displays of affection.

“Good for you, Michael Sam. You care about your boyfriend,” stated Cleveland Browns quarterback Colin McHudafuque. “Now I have to hear it from my wife any time I don’t kiss her in front of the camera. Way to screw everything up.”

I had a hard enough time corralling Gisele [Bundchen] before Michael Sam came around,” stated New England Patriots quarterback and stay-at-home dad Tom Brady. “When she was screaming about sports, like after Super Bowl XLVI, it was embarrassing but at least it was sports. Now I’m going to have to hear every other week, ‘Tom Brady and Gisele still not kissing in public. Marriage on the rocks?’ Dammit, Michael Sam, everything was perfect until you showed up.”

Even fans were annoyed by the Michael Sam spectacle. “I watch football to get away from my wife,” stated local Bears fanatic Kyle Larson. “Now with Michael Sam involving love and tenderness in the game, Sunday afternoons are probably going to become Date Day. I hate you, Michael Sam. You’ve ruined by love of football!”

Rams head coach Jeff Fisher has yet to meet with Michael Sam, but it is believed by many that the issue of PDAs must be addressed.

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