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Parents Still Unsure Why Children are Afraid of 8-Foot Mutant Rabbit

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Charlotte, NC – With the Easter holiday over once again, Christian and non-Christian but Easter-celebrating parents worldwide are left with the question that remains a mystery in developmental psychology: “Why does my child cry when sitting on the Easter Bunny’s lap for a picture?”

easter_bunny1The question has been posed since the advent of photography. It is believed that one of the first photographs French inventor Nicephore Niepce staged involved dressing up a large, working class man in a rabbit costume to pose with his son. This was exceptionally strange considering Niepce’s son was around seventeen years old at the time. Since then the photo opportunities have continued, although the tradition of having your children pose with giant rabbit-men (and sometimes women) for pictures has been primarily reserved for the Easter season.

But the tradition comes with another mysterious result: countless children shrieking and crying as they are set upon the laps of giant rabbit-people in order to have their picture taken so that their parents can display these photos to the world and wonder: “Why is my kid crying? Again?”

“Easter Bunny portraits are an exceptional phenomenon in psychological study,” explained Dr. Emmet O’Hara. “A child may not have ever seen a rabbit before, and most likely has not seen an eight foot rabbit wearing a waistcoat. But although they have never been introduced to such a possibility, or factual knowledge to contradict what they are experiencing, they know that something isn’t right. So they cry, especially when their parents are forcing them to sit on the mutant creature’s lap.”

The depiction of the Easter Bunny does not seem to matter. Sometimes it is depicted as a human-sized rabbit with disfigured hind legs in order for it to walk upright. Other times it is depicted as a rabbit with the face of a man. No matter what the composition of the Easter Bunny, it continually brings horror and displeasure to children everywhere, and will continue to do so as parents continue put their children through this terrifying ordeal.

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Patrick is the man behind the man behind the site behind the man.... When he isn't writing for The Inept Owl, saving penguins from Hulk Hogan, and other activities that could be either truths or lies, he's editing everything else.

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