russia_gay_rights
Dmitry Lovetsky/AP

Moscow, Russia— In an effort to curtail the global view of Russia as an ignorant, gay-bashing, fascist nation, President Vladimir Putin finally put his amnesty program into action when two members of Pussy Riot, the protest group that plays punk music when it has a chance, were allegedly detained by the Sochi police on Tuesday and later released.

Pussy Riot allegedly had planned to record an anti-Putin song in English, “Putin Will Teach You Love the Homeland.” Putin denied the allegations.

“We merely take band for interview for RMTV (Russian Music Television),” explained Putin. “Pussy Riot be around for so long, but never rarely record music. Is big deal in Russia, and the world.”

The amnesty program was enacted in Russia in order to protect foreigners, including athletes and members of the press, for the Winter Olympics in Sochi, from finding themselves lost in the volatile prison system of Russia for pushing “gay propaganda” which includes: LGBT gatherings, pride marches, and protests against Russia’s anti-gay laws; banners, signs, shirts, hats, shoes, underwear, and anything else that can be considered gay-friendly; same sex hugging, kissing, and penetration in public; the public display of films like Brokeback Mountain and the playing of music by Scissor Sisters.

“It was a necessity for Russia to not be so homophobic if they wanted to host the Olympic Games,” explained sports analyst Roger Coppendingus. “Those anti-gay laws would have knocked out two-thirds of figure-skating in the Olympics.”

While the detainment of the Pussy Riot members has caused an uproar, many view their quick release after being detained for unspecified crimes to be a baby-step in the right direction. “Usually gays be beaten with rubber hoses in street, then arrested for being gay,” stated Russian political analyst Demitri Yulokov. “Now Russian government arrest them without charge and take them away. But they come back. Before, they don’t come back. Is very good for gays.”

Vladimir Luxuria, a transgender former member of the Parliament of Italy, has also been detained and released twice since Sunday, with no noticeable cuts or bruises.

By Patrick AE

Patrick is the man behind the man behind the site behind the man.... When he isn't writing for The Inept Owl, saving penguins from Hulk Hogan, and other activities that could be either truths or lies, he's editing everything else.