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Advancement in Prosthetic Limbs Met with Resistance, Requests for “Cool Robot Hands”

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New York, NY – The latest advancements in prosthetic limbs have revealed highly detailed, more life-like models. Some prosthetics have incredibly accurate detail on the faux-skin used, even showing freckles or wrinkles. Despite these advancements, however, some users of prosthetic limbs have complained that the new limbs are too life-like.

“It’s far too human,” said Robert Ladd, who lost his right arm in a car accident in 2007. “I’m really grateful to have one, make no mistake, but I figure if it has to be this way, I at least want to look super badass and robotic.” Ladd stated that he had initially hoped he would receive a hand like Army Ranger Leroy Petry, as it “looks way cooler” and “makes awesome whirring noises when it opens and closes.”

Former Marine Sgt. Erin Cooper, who lost her leg while serving in Afghanistan, stated that while her new, realistic foot cover helped her “blend in” with the crowd, she “wanted to look more like RoboCop.” Cooper informed us that she gave up her new foot cover after a few days. “I looked at it and just thought, ‘this could be way more awesome.’ Sometimes it’s nice to look at and feel a little more complete, but most of the time I’m thinking, ‘I’d rather be a badass cyborg.’”

Another subset of prosthetic limb-users have welcomed the new, hyper-realistic appendages, but state that they wish the limbs were less hollow and more “filled with cool wires and pistons and shit.” Darren Sanders, who currently uses a hook in place of his left hand after it was severed in a shark attack in 2009, stated that though the shark attack story is “usually badass enough,” he is waiting for mechanical components of the life-like hands to come through so that he could have a “sweet Luke Skywalker hand.”

“It’d be cool if say, I were fighting with a lightsaber on a giant sail barge on the deserts of Tatooine when a Weequay shot my hand and exposed all the cool robotics underneath, but I know we have a long way to go before any of the rest of that happens,” Sanders said, staring longingly at his hook.

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Patrick is a comedy writer living in Chicago. He enjoys writing articles that hopefully make people chuckle and think, "Hey, that was pretty alright." He does that here and he also does it over at Man Cave Daily. If you thought something he wrote was pretty alright, boy howdy he sure does appreciate it.

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