Seattle, WA: The blood-thirsty rivalry between the San Francisco 49ers and Seattle Seahawks has become an NFC Championship game to send the winner to Super Bowl XLVII, and NFL officials are ready.

For the past week, field officials have been attending practices in order to beef up their skills in reading plays, especially penalties having to do with unnecessary roughness, unsportsmanlike conduct, and generally “acting like an ass,” a special penalty introduced on account of Jim Harbaugh.

The practices are not so much about refreshing the officials on the rules, but about keeping them in shape for all the physical activity they will have to undertake during the NFC Championship game.

Field drills have included flag-tossing, player separation, and the best ways to tell NFL head coaches to sit down and shut up.

“It’s important for everyone to be at their best for these playoff games,” stated NFL officiating analyst James Slater. “We especially want our officials to be prepared for anything. If they have to throw five flags consecutively for one play, I want them to be able to do it without a problem.”

Other plans for officials during the game between the 49ers and Seahawks include a backpack full of penalty flags, a spit-shield in order to deal with tantrums by Jim Harbaugh, and drug-testing kits for Seattle’s defensive players.

By Patrick AE

Patrick is the man behind the man behind the site behind the man.... When he isn't writing for The Inept Owl, saving penguins from Hulk Hogan, and other activities that could be either truths or lies, he's editing everything else.