Los Angeles, CA: With a second, highly publicized shooting (with a highly publicized trial to likely follow) coming out of Florida, film producers in Hollywood are trying to turn casualties into cash once again, with plans to join the current idiot shooter, Curtis Reeves, with the reigning champion idiot shooter, George Zimmerman, in an action comedy film.

With the pending title of Food Attack Defense Squad penciled in on script drafts, the movie promises to infuse factual events into the fictional story of a group of individuals, linked by a childhood trauma rife with food fights, two gun-toting citizens decide to take on various villains in their home state of Florida in order to make the world safe from food once again. One villain, Doctor Tray, is believed to be the mastermind of the food villains, and has a modified flare-gun that shoots piles of Skittles. His evil sidekick, Doctor Popper, is a master at chemical weapons detonated through popcorn. Potential directors include James Gunn, Martin Scorsese, Joss Whedon, and Edgar Wright.

While the film seems ready for shooting, the issue of Reeves’ incarceration without bail could throw a kink into the planned release of the film at the Sundance Film Festival next year. However, this may be a blessing in disguise for the film.

“Obviously the idea behind Food Attack Defense Squad is amazing,” explained public relations representative Marissa Stolger. “However, a ‘squad’ usually refers to a group, not just two people. That’s a duo. And at least three people is much funnier than two. Just look at Three Amigos. If you take out any of the three amigos, even Martin Short, the movie doesn’t work. It is the studio’s hope that at least one more unnecessary shooting happens in Florida that involves food the flesh out the starring cast of Reeves and Zimmerman. We currently have field producers scouting family restaurants.”


By Patrick AE

Patrick is the man behind the man behind the site behind the man.... When he isn't writing for The Inept Owl, saving penguins from Hulk Hogan, and other activities that could be either truths or lies, he's editing everything else.