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George Zimmerman Currently On Front Lawn Digging Massive Hole



Sanford, FL: Concerned neighbors report that George Zimmerman, currently in the public spotlight for being arrested once again on a domestic violence charge against his girlfriend, is out on his front lawn digging a very large hole and does not seem to show any signs of stopping.

Sean Gerrity, one of Zimmerman’s neighbors, informed us that the man acquitted of murder in the death of an unarmed black teenager back in July began digging the hole some time after the trial concluded, and has periodically returned to dig the hole even deeper.

“He just really doesn’t seem like he’s interested in stopping,” said Gerrity. “He just keeps coming back to it over and over again, even though our Homes Association has already told him he’s gone far enough.” Gerrity’s wife, Ellen, elaborated that even when Zimmerman dug so deep that he managed to reach and then sever the lines to his own sprinkler system, he ignored the situation and continued to dig.

“His lawn looks horrible,” said Mark Greene, another one of Zimmerman’s neighbors. “It seems like he gets less careful as he digs further. He just flings the dirt wherever he feels like it. It’s incredibly sloppy and so easily avoidable.”

Greene noted that Zimmerman seemed to have, “Some kind of weird attachment to that shovel,” despite all the problems that have come with Zimmerman’s compulsion to dig.

“I really can’t figure out what he’s doing out there,” said Sean Gerrity. “It’s like he wants to be the world’s greatest hole digger or something. Maybe he’s going for a Guinness World Record in digging as deep as possible.”

Piles of dirt covered Zimmerman’s driveway and mud stains were frequent on his garage and the front of his house. Ellen Gerrity noted, “I don’t know what he had against that poor lawn. It was a lawn like any other, it just happened to be in our neighborhood and on his turf, I guess.”

As of press time, Zimmerman is being held without bail at the Seminole County Jail. Law enforcement officials have issued a report stating that Zimmerman has begun scratching at the concrete floor with his bare hands.

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Patrick is a comedy writer living in Chicago. He enjoys writing articles that hopefully make people chuckle and think, "Hey, that was pretty alright." He does that here and he also does it over at Man Cave Daily. If you thought something he wrote was pretty alright, boy howdy he sure does appreciate it.