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Pop Stars Film Takes You Behind the Scenes of Unrealistically Fake Moments

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London, UK: This past weekend marked the release of pop group One Direction’s 3D concert film, This Is Us, in what may be the longest, most expensive commercial for the talent search show, The X Factor. The film showcases the group from their humble beginnings to their rise to fame, giving viewers a glimpse of the studio-engineered antics and professionally-directed monologues that they engage in backstage.

“Sure, we play football, go base-jumping, and other extreme sports that I forget the names of all the time, but it was nice to have a ton of hair and makeup folks to make sure we had our recommended two cans of hairspray while doing it,” said One Direction member Liam Payne. He noted that the boys usually receive another two bottles of hairspray about four hours after the first two are applied, three if they engage in any physical activity.

“I do wish they didn’t take away my t-shirt and give me a button-down shirt, a sweater, and a stylish jacket, though. It got a little hot,” Payne added whilst being swarmed by a makeup team.

The film shows clips of the pop group in concert, but also includes clips of them horsing around backstage, “in ways that they totally always do all the time,” noted the film’s producers. “We just wanted to show that they’re constantly getting into antics such as driving forklifts around a giant, empty warehouse,” said executive producer Will Bloomfield. “Haha, those boys! They’re just always let into factories when they want to drive forklifts, because they’re so famous, you know. Definitely not because we were also shooting a movie,” Bloomfield added before being escorted out of the room by the film’s ten other producers.

In addition, the film wanted to show how the boys could connect with audience members from all walks of life, even reuniting member Harry Styles with his former part-time job at a bakery. However, Styles’ presence alerted a horde of screaming teenage girls, so he swept the floors, danced, sang, and baked a cake for a Buckingham Palace banquet, acting very charming overall but was promptly whisked away in a helicopter with the rest of his bandmates hanging from the rail blades singing in unison.

“I…I don’t know if we can even have a genuine moment anymore,” said band member Niall Horan. “I can’t go outside without being immediately pushed into a limousine by five large bodyguards. Of course, it’s a better alternative to getting trampled by a mob of teenage girls, but I just can’t remember the last time I talked to someone about something good and boring, like a TV show I watched the other night. Have you seen Luther?”

Creators and producers of the movie hope that fans foster a more personal connection with each of the boys through the film, and subsequently spend most of their disposable income on albums, t-shirts, and other merchandise.

One Direction superfan Erika Morris, having just seen a screening of the film, stated that she was “thrilled” to see the boys during their downtime, engaging in wacky antics cut with talking heads of them saying they want to meet a girl who “cares about like, her heart and stuff.” Morris added, “I can’t believe they shot squirt guns at each other in those suits, though. Those must have cost like, several hundred pounds each.”

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Patrick is a comedy writer living in Chicago. He enjoys writing articles that hopefully make people chuckle and think, "Hey, that was pretty alright." He does that here and he also does it over at Man Cave Daily. If you thought something he wrote was pretty alright, boy howdy he sure does appreciate it.

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