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Mayan Pyramid Holds Bieber Carvings, New End of the World Prophecy


mayan_bieberHolmul, GUATEMALA: Just when you thought the world was over the Mayan calendar, archaeologists went and helped dig it up again, like the recent discovery of Mayan carvings in a temple found in a remote region of Guatemala.

The entire sculpture, estimated to be around 26 feet long and 6 feet high, is believed to depict the crowning of a new ruler in the Mayan Empire after years of clashing between opposing clans, the Snake Lords and the Tikal.

What is even more curious, however, is the depiction of the newly crowned ruler, who shares many similarities with a more recently crowned ruler of pop, however arguably: Justin Bieber.

“The similarities are eerie,” explained self-taught archaeologist Samuel Murphy. “Mayans had thin flat hair, but to have it feathered out like that? It must mean something.”

Some conspiracy theories believe that it may be possible that Justin Bieber will land a starring role in a Back to the Future remake and actually go back in time, which would then allow the carvings to be attributed to him. However, most movie critics deny this possibility, as an anonymous movie reviewer stated, “I will gouge my eyes out with a rusty spoon and dump hydrochloric acid in my ears before I sit through that travesty.”


Mayan sculpture close-up.

A more plausible theory is that this may be the continuing prophecy of the Mayan calendar, said to have the world ending last year. Perhaps, that ending was the beginning of the end.

“Think about it. The Mayan calendar ends. A new king suddenly emerges. After the new king, all the Mayans are phased out,” explained Murphy. “Present day. The Mayan calendar ends. A new king of pop emerges. Everyone was joking about Bieber Fever being a sign of the end of humanity, but maybe they aren’t that far off.”

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