New York, NY: After the airing of the most recent Miss USA pageant, in which hopeful Miss Utah flubbed a question on equal pay for women in the workforce, pageant organizers are beginning to rethink the Q&A portions of this and other pageants.
“It had been a few years since one of our contestants just completely shut down mentally and bizarrely rambled about education,” said current president of the Miss Universe Organization Paula Shugart. “But now that it’s happened again, we’re looking at reorganizing that particular section.”
The previous incident in question took place during the Miss Teen USA competition, also under the flag of the Miss Universe Organization, in which Miss Teen South Carolina similarly botched a response regarding the inability of many Americans to locate their own country on a map. “We want to give these girls a shot at something easier,” said Shugart. “Maybe we can make them easy enough that they don’t feel like they have to prepare big, long, crown-baiting responses about making sure children get educated. It will just be free, open, and honest.”
According to Shugart, questions will start small and build to more difficult questions to attempt to ease the contestants into the mentally taxing round. The contestants will start by identifying themselves and the state they are representing, followed briefly by naming their favorite color. Follow-up questions will involve naming the capitals of their states and spelling out said favorite color. Later on, questions may take on a multiple-choice format, with a provided example as follows:
Which of these things are good?
D. Education again
E. A & D
Acceptable answers for the above would include A, D, or E. Some future pageant hopefuls, such as Daisy Jennings (15) of West Virginia, were excited for the changes. “Man, I was really nervous I was going to have to keep memorizing all of the crap I put on these note cards,” said Jennings. “I just have big bullet points here that say ‘Education’ and ‘Children’ and then a bunch of other stuff that I have no idea what it actually means. If I got nervous up there I’d probably do something like…”, taking a moment to read another card, “…Miss Utah and Misty South Carolina.”
Although the organization was confident in the decision, others were skeptical. When asked for comment, former Miss USA winner Alyssa Campanella stated, “They’re kind of running in the exact opposite direction with this. I mean, really the lesson here is that you shouldn’t just commit random facts to memory. Really do your research and know your stuff, right?”
Owner of the Miss Universe Organization Donald Trump thought differently, however, stating, “It appears the organization’s old line of questioning was just too much for their tiny lady brains. I really should have seen this coming. We’ll make it more fair for them from now on.”
“Dude. The fuck?” Campanella responded.