Follow Our Updates!
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • RSS Feed
  • Google+

MLB Baseball: Parody Rankings Week 3

0

MLB_bird_logoThe events at the Boston Marathon were heart-breaking, but the effects of the tragedy can be considered inspiring. Not only were people running towards the explosions to do what they could to help total strangers, but sports rivalries were erased as Yankees Stadium played “Sweet Caroline” just as how Fenway Park played “New York, New York” after 9/11.

So as we enter Week 3, think about how trivial sports really can be, and how we can’t wait for it to be that trivial again. If life is so good that our daily misery comes from the record of our favorite sports team, we must have a great life.

Atlanta Braves

MLBBraves

A record of 11-1 has to be painful. Maybe not for the whole Braves team, but Chris Medlen has to be embarrassed for hanging their only “1” in the loss column.

Oakland Athletics

MLBAthletics

It seems that, every year, the A’s have some insane win-streak that makes sports pundits think that this may be their Cinderella year. This may be the earliest it has ever happened, which means they have a lot to live up to if they want to make it back into national news.

Washington Nationals

MLBnationals

The Nationals looked like the NL front-runners. That is, until I looked at the teams they won against before playing the Braves: Marlins and White Sox. I bet every team has games with those teams circled as wins already.

San Francisco Giants

MLBGiants

Barry Zito seems to be reverting to form earlier than usual. 8 runs in one inning? How did he even last long enough to give up 8?

St. Louis Cardinals

MLBCardinals

Tony La Russa may be 100 years old, but he still knows how to manage.

Detroit Tigers

MLBTigers

If the Tigers don’t take the AL Central this season, they may want to consider taking the place that the Astros abandoned in the National League.

Texas Rangers

MLBrangers

If nothing else, we know that Lance Berkman won’t become a Cub anytime soon after ripping on Wrigley Field.

Arizona Diamondbacks

MLBDiamondbacks

The Paul Goldschmidt tour continues to New York, where someone on Madison Avenue is licking their lips for a chance to have him market something. Maybe Goldschlager?

Cincinnati Reds

MLBReds

When you get swept by the Pirates, you have to analyze your self worth as a baseball team.

Baltimore Orioles

MLBOrioles

The Orioles were expected to give Baltimore a sports championship sweep this season. This is easier for Baltimore than other cites, considering they only deal with football and baseball. Now, even that seems like a tall order as the O’s struggle.

Boston Red Sox

MLBRedSox

For the week, we’ll all be “Boston” fans. Unfortunately, Red Sox Nation may think that means, “Boston Red Sox” fans.

Los Angeles Dodgers

MLBDodgers

Zack Greinke has apparently been replaced by Fat Josh Beckett. It’s going to be a long season, Dodgers fans.

Kansas City Royals

MLBRoyals

The Royals are scarily close to being a contender, which means that they may hold off on their mid-season fire sale until at least the trade deadline.

New York Yankees

MLBYankees

Surprise! The Yankees are still contenders, even if they have to play with crutches and Depends.

New York Mets

MLBMets

Hopefully the Mets don’t do to Matt Harvey what they did to Johan Santana: break him into little pieces to prove legitimacy.

Tampa Bay Rays

MLBRays

If pitching scored runs like it does in cricket, the Rays would be much better off than they are.

Toronto Blue Jays

MLBBlueJays

Wasn’t the battle for the AL East supposed to be for the birds, literally, with the Blue Jays and the Orioles? What happened with that plan?

Philadelphia Phillies

MLBPhillies

Roy Halladay froze the Marlins. Congratulations, Roy. Maybe the Phillies can play a Triple-A team to keep that win streak going.

Colorado Rockies

MLBRockies

The Rockies are still beating up on bad teams, but it’s still too early in the season to tell who the really bad teams are.

Seattle Mariners

MLBMariners

Those poor Mariners. With all their injuries, they needed to dip into their All-Star well of Endy Chavez, Raul Ibanez, and Jason Bay.

Cleveland Indians

MLBIndians

Cleveland hasn’t been rocking too hard, but considering they were expected to rock as hard as gray turtles crawling to elevator music, it’s hard enough to keep it interesting.

Chicago White Sox

MLBWhiteSox

Paul Konerko and Alex Rios can only do so much to win a game. Unless the White Sox have a cloning machine, it’ll be a long season in Chitown.

Los Angeles Angels

MLBAngels

Josh Hamilton is finally showing Los Angeles why they gave him a big pay day. Unfortunately, that didn’t leave much to share with other positions.

Pittsburgh Pirates

MLBPirates

Sweeping the Cincinnati Reds begs the question, “Are the Pirates that good, or are the Reds that bad?”

Milwaukee Brewers

MLBBrewers

Brewers pitcher Yovani Gallardo was arrested for drunk driving. You really can’t make stuff like this up and keep a straight face.

Chicago Cubs

MLBCubs

The Cubs seem to be shooting for “America’s Funniest Baseball Bloopers.” They should have enough footage for a feature-length by the All Star break.

Minnesota Twins

MLBTwins

Snow delays? Isn’t it supposed to be Spring by now?

Houston Astros

MLBAstros

Congratulations, Astros, you aren’t the worst team in baseball…this week.

San Diego Padres

MLBPadres

Padres ace Volquez hasn’t won a game yet, destroying the idea of what an “ace” really is.

Miami Marlins

MLBMarlins

Good news, Marlins fans! You’ll be playing the Reds soon enough.

About Author

avatar

Patrick is the man behind the man behind the site behind the man.... When he isn't writing for The Inept Owl, saving penguins from Hulk Hogan, and other activities that could be either truths or lies, he's editing everything else.

%d bloggers like this: