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Andy Dick to Star in Andy Dick Biopic as Andy Dick

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Los Angeles, CA: After three years of negotiation with Dreamworks, Hollywood Legend Andy Dick has finally agreed to star in an upcoming film about his life. According to sources, Steven Spielberg has agreed to direct the film and has hired Frank Darabont, the screenwriter for Shawshank Redemption and creator of The Walking Dead to pen the script. It has also been said that Spielberg and Darabont have agreed to work at a steep discount due to Dick’s salary, which is rumored to be nearly twenty-five million dollars. An insider also claims that, as part of the agreement, Dick will receive 50% of the film’s overall profits, an unheard of sum even by Hollywood standards.

“Eat your heart out, Tom Cruise!” Dick was heard to scream when leaving the negotiating table. “I am going to make you my b*tch!”andy_dick

Dick burst onto the Hollywood scene in the mid-80s and appeared in mostly forgotten films and television shows until 1996, when he starred as the “Medival Times Host” in Jim Carrey’s The Cable Guy. It was that performance, which the late, great Pauline Kael referred to as “the best performance I’ve seen in fifty years” that propelled Andy Dick to superstardom and made him one of the most sought-after actors of the past seventeen years. Due to the high demand for his talents, Dick has been forced to turn down several roles, many of which could have nabbed him the Oscar. A few roles that he was considered for include, but are not limited to, the following: Russell Crowe’s role in Gladiator, Denzel Washington’s role in Training Day, and Sandra Bullock’s role in The Blind Side – all roles that won coveted Oscars.

Dick, however, chose to take on what he has said were more challenging roles in films like Dude, Where’s My Car? and Inspector Gadget 2, two films that won countless awards at various film festivals throughout the world. While neither film made much of a dent in the box office, they unquestionably displayed his acting chops for the world to see.

“I made Cannes and Sundance my b*tch,” said Dick recently. “One day, I’ll make the Academy Awards my b*tch, too.”

“It’s true,” said Robert Redford, the ginger co-founder of the Sundance Film Festival. “Everything he makes is great. I’d gladly be Dick’s b*tch.”

Filming is set to begin on the movie, currently titled “Dick,” in New York City and Hong Kong next month.

 

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