Hempstead, New York: On Tuesday, the two presidential contenders entered the ring surrounded by a swarm of Joe-the-Plumber yahoos crying out for the blood they paid for. Romney ducked objects thrown by 47% of the crowd with George Bush-like reflexes while Obama invoked executive privilege to curb stomp a particularly unruly audience member. Eventually, the two made it to their high chairs, picked up their padded batons and went at it American Gladiator-style. Winner fields the first question.
The moderator of the night was CNN journalist Candy Crowley who did her best Jim Lehrer impression by being completely ignored by the two people she was moderating. This may have been due in part to pre-debate negotiations to make sure there wasn’t a repeat of the Raddatz incident during the Vice Presidential debate. Democrats were irate that a moderator dared to keep debaters on track and honest. Republicans were furious that a woman talked back to them.
But Republicans managed to get back at women everywhere with just about everything Romney said. When describing the job situation for women in a Romney economy, Romney explained that employers will be so eager to hire more workers they might even consider women. He also described his efforts to reduce gender inequality during his Governorship, by explaining that he insisted he be brought women applicants for government positions. He was presented, in his words, with “binders full of women”. According to sources, his response at the time was “It’s good to be the governor”.
His statement turns out to be true, that his aides even to this day carry around binders full of women. This is how he manages to always have a story on hand about a struggling young mother or a concerned elderly woman. Romney has always been conscious of the usefulness of women, especially in binder form.
For his part, Obama was ready to make up for the time he lost sleeping through the first debate. This time he appeared well-rested and ready to dish out a few fistfuls of hope and a kick in the change. This floundered somewhat when he sat on his high chair and complained about Romney speaking too long, looking not unlike another type of person that is normally confined to a high chair.
Obama’s biggest mistake came when Romney insisted that Obama had taken a long time describing the incident in Benghazi as a terrorist attack. Obama had the audacity to fact check Romney during a presidential debate. Apparently no one on the President’s team informed him that that point of debates wasn’t telling the truth, but giving television networks the opportunity to test out their newest opinion graphing technologies. Even the moderator joined in on his error, securing her a place in Romney’s other binder of women.
Despite these mistakes, Obama secured a victory in this debate, permitting the possibility that the American public may actually care whether a candidate is telling the truth. Luckily, there’s one more debate to prove that incorrect.