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Did Jesus H. Christ Have a Mrs. H. Christ?


A historian of early Christianity at Harvard Divinity School has identified a scrap of papyrus that was written in Coptic in the fourth century and contains a phrase never seen in any piece of scripture: “Jesus said to them, ‘My wife …’ ”

It is possible that this compliant shrug was a depiction of Jesus after being screamed at by his wife.

The faded papyrus fragment, which is smaller than a business card, also has written, “she will be able to be my disciple” and MUCH more.  This includes that one Christmas morning, Mrs. Christ refused to celebrate her husband’s birthday and instead nagged him about how He was always saying he was having “one more last supper with the guys…then another last supper and then another!”

Mrs. Christ then complained how all the water Jesus turned into wine was for his apostles and not for her.  An angry Son of God then said, “There’s a reason why my boys need wine.  They’re married too!  And their wives aren’t like you; who’s always saying how if I’m such a great carpenter, why are we still living in a crappy manger?  And why if my Dad is God, why can’t He ever giveth me a job—or at least giveth me a shave and a haircut!  And how the miracles I do are good and fine but they don’t put food in our stomachs or a non-leaky roof over our heads.  Or how you should’ve listened to your Mom and married John the Baptist; because at least he’s always baptizing and not ‘prosthelytizing’ all day and pissing off the Romans!”

An irate Mrs. Christ then threw all the gold, frankincense and myrrh they received on their wedding day in Mr. Christ’s face.  She cried and wished her dad, Wise Man #3, never followed that star of Bethlehem that he came upon a midnight clear. Unfortunately, divorce wasn’t around in Mr. Christ’s time so He did what other henpecked Jerusalem men did: He begged Pontius Pilate to be crucified as fast as possible.

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