Welcome back, football fans, to our quasi-professional football picks! Each week we will pick game winners based on Vegas over/under lines, and add some the greatest preview commentary in the world! That’s right, ESPN, we said it.

Last week began the demise of millions of knockout pools, fantasy football teams, and Rob Wheatley’s commanding lead with upsets ranging from the New England Patriots to Peyton Manning’s forehead. Let’s see what this week will bring!

Thursday, September 20th, 2012

VS

New York Giants @ Carolina Panthers

LINE: Giants by 2

Darby Shaw:

Dear NFL: thank you for Thursday Night Football. Thanks for one game a week that I can’t see, because I’m a Time Warner customer. Thanks for making me sit around watching Golden Girl reruns while everyone else is enjoying football. And most importantly, thanks for making me get my damn picks in three days earlier than I might otherwise have to. I am totally blaming my shitty record on you forcing my hand; I’m sure with all the late-week research I’d be doing, I’d be whipping these other guys’ asses. As far as the game itself? Hell if I know. Is this the one where Tebow is going against Robert Griffin III? I pick the Giants to win by a free throw.

Pick: Giants-WIN

Rob Wheatley: Giants-WIN

Steve Elle: Giants-WIN

Evil Peyton Manning: Giants-WIN

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Sunday, September 23th, 2012

VS

St. Louis Rams @ Chicago Bears

LINE: Bears by 7

Evil Peyton Manning:

People give Jay Cutler a lot of grief about his attitude on the field and how that translates into mediocre game-play, but consider this: How would you feel if you went to a team whose 2nd most talented quarterback in its 93-year history was a punter in college (Jim McMahon) and who spends more time with the offensive line practicing running plays for Matt Forte than protecting their quarterback? Personally, I would feel like Sam Bradford, because I’d still be doing what I love for money.

Pick: Bears-WIN

Rob Wheatley: Bears-WIN

Darby Shaw: Rams-LOSS

Steve Elle: Bears-WIN

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