Welcome back, football fans, to our quasi-professional football picks! Each week we will pick game winners based on Vegas over/under lines, and add some the greatest preview commentary in the world! That’s right, ESPN, we said it.

Our winner last year was the man across the pond, Rob Wheatley. Let’s see if he can retain his crown!

Wednesday, September 5th, 2012

VS

Dallas Cowboys @ New York Giants

LINE: Giants by 4

Evil Peyton Manning:

Cowboys owner Jerry Jones began the yearly trash-talk this week by inviting training camp fans to Cowboys Stadium to watch the Cowboys “beat the Giants’ ass” on his giant-ass video screen, again. Coach Tom Coughlin’s job is safe again, until the Giants misstep, again. Tony Romo’s golf game seems to have improved more than his clutch awareness at quarterback during the off-season, again. And Eli Manning still isn’t sure where he actually is, again. That’s right, sports fans, the 2012/2013 NFL season is under way tonight, again!

Pick: GIANTS-LOSS

Rob Wheatley: GIANTS-LOSS

Darby Shaw: GIANTS-LOSS

Steve Elle: GIANTS-LOSS

_____________________________

Sunday, September 9th, 2012

VS

Indianapolis Colts @ Chicago Bears

LINE: Bears by 9.5

Darby Shaw:

While I was doing a modicum of research for this game (which largely involved looking at the analysis on NFL.com in-between sessions of amateur midget porn), I saw one article that characterized the Colts roster as “under-talented.” That’s like saying Paul Ryan is “factually inaccurate” or I am “sobriety challenged.” The Colts most talented player is a rookie, and their second-most talented player is the guy who keeps the K-balls ready for the kickers. The only thing that keeps the Colts in this game is the fact that perennial crybaby, “My blood sugar is low” Jay Cutler will keep the Bears offense at a high level of mediocrity. The city of Indianapolis had better get ready to go back to their long-standing reputation as as the Midwest’s armpit of professional sports.

Pick: COLTS-LOSS

Rob Wheatley: BEARS-WIN

Steve Elle: BEARS-WIN

Evil Peyton Manning: BEARS-WIN

____________________________

Page 1 of 7 | Next page