College Park, GA: The battle for the attentions of fast food consumers nationwide rages on, as Chick-fil-A has gotten more advertising for its ridiculously boring chicken and pickle sandwich then ever before after it was learned that Chick-Fil-A and its founding family has donated funds to various anti-homosexuality and anti-gay marriage organizations.
Some cities, such as Chicago and Boston, have vowed to never allow a Chick-fil-A onto its streets. Cities that already have Chick-fil-A’s present have their citizens both promoting and boycotting the eateries, depending on where loyalties lie. The issue may even make it into the debates for the 2012 election, as the issue of one fast-food slop sink’s decision to be non-PC has expanded into questions of fiscal responsibility, government interference in a local capitalist market, and whether or not Chick-fil-A’s pickles are immersed in gay cell antigens that these anti-gay organizations must be pumping all their money into, or some other like science experiment.
The latest story involves Jim Henson’s Muppets. Once a children’s meal bonus that the Jim Henson Company partnered with instead of throwing the toys in the garbage after the normal marketing time for The Muppets latest movie, the toy was recalled from Chick-fil-A patrons at the same time that The Jim Henson Company declared that it would not provide the toys to fast-food chain due to a conflict in beliefs.
Chick-fil-A’s reasoning for the recall had to do with a safety issue where children got their fingers stuck in the holes of the puppets. “It was an immense safety concern,” stated Chick-fil-A patron Cletus Wilkins. “If you’re a child, getting your finger stuck in a same-sex animal puppet is akin to having gay sex. You’re going to hell, end of story.”
Another patron, Mary O’Reilly, stated a similar situation. “My boy Joe Baily got himsfinger stuck in Kermit the Frog’s bottom. He was wailing like the spawn of Satan were entering his body from the bottom of that puppet. If they’re rounding up these toys, maybe they were!”
Some anti-gay organizations have provided intensely thorough research on the topic, showing how past homosexual puppets and toys have lead to the results of The Devil. They include:
1) The Child’s Play movie series
2) Full Moon’s Puppet Master series, particularly the third movie where they kill astute government officials
3) “The Snorks”
4) The fall of ventriloquism stage shows
5) Scooby-Doo cartoons