Washington, DC: In an attempt to bring light to age, culture, and creed discrimination in local and national voting systems, news outlets are reporting on the laws some states have which require voters to produce photo identification before punching their hole in the American democratic system.

The idea has stirred up critics hungry for a voting conspiracy story this close to the 2012 election. They are questioning why voters must prove who they are before having their votes tallied, as well as why photo identification is used when boarding airplanes, closing bank accounts, taking out loans, using unsigned credit cards, and other day-to-day activities.

“Our government clearly has trust issues,” stated 97 year old Moira McHubbins. “I don’t understand why the young man at the voting station didn’t let me vote. I’m old! What do I have to gain about lying about anything anymore?”

What does anyone have to gain, indeed. New Yorkers, believed to be the most distrusting people in the universe, still have votes cleared without photo identification. “Considering three quarters of our population are out of state anyway, we thought it would give us something to do if we let anyone come in and vote,” explained poll station manager Marcus Venditto.

Other critics claim that photo identification is unjust to the working class. “I work twelve-hour shifts six days a week and barely have enough money to cover the expenses when I get a ticket for driving without a license,” stated Tennessee resident Charlie Schmitt. “You tell me where I’m going to find the time and money for a photo ID.”

Others believe that, if the government wants people to have photo identification so bad, they should pay for it. “Why should I pay for photo identification? I don’t even pay taxes,” stated a New York homeless man who went by the name Johnny Walker, and showed a liquor store receipt as his proof of identification.

By Patrick AE

Patrick is the man behind the man behind the site behind the man.... When he isn't writing for The Inept Owl, saving penguins from Hulk Hogan, and other activities that could be either truths or lies, he's editing everything else.

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