Los Angeles, CA: The rumor-mill continues to swirl around the question of whether Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis are dating, banging, or just being friends after they merely had dinner in the same restaurant this weekend, but one obsessed fan seems to have other ideas.
Martin Kumpfer (formerly Arnold Mancuso before changing his name to be more in line with the names Mila Kunis has recently dated or pseudo-dated, such as Macaulay Culkin and Ashton Kutcher), self-proclaimed “unquestionable soul-mate of Mila Kunis”, believes beyond a doubt that the Kutcher-Kunis date is merely a prelude to either a reunion show or, like such incomparable shows like Arrested Development and Community, a feature film of That 70′s Show.
“To do a movie on a television show with a character couple takes a lot of personality training,” explained Mr. Kumpfer. “To make it seem real, they have to react to each other as if they were a real life couple, so it only makes sense that they would start pseudo-dating in order to get that camaraderie back. That’s what great actors do. It has nothing to do with any real feelings, since Mila is destined to marry me.”
While there hasn’t been even a shadow of rumor about a reunion of the cast of That 70′s Show, Kumpfer was not swayed in his obsessive idea. “Of course they’re not going to come out and say it. Those other shows let the cat out of the bag early, and anticipation from the fans has changed from excitement to annoyance. This time, the surprise will be the movie so fans will flock to it without breaking it down on internet forums. It’s an intelligent maneuver that only Mila Kunis could pull off.”
The set-up could not be any closer to something Ashton Kutcher would do for the sake of publicity. Kutcher’s history of publicity stunts include Punk’d, marrying and divorcing cougar Demi Moore, getting the most people to care about what shampoo he used on a given day when posting on Twitter, and replacing Charlie Sheen in Two and a Half Men for their roller-coaster season that has teased its audience with finally coming to an end for 25 episodes.
When asked if it was possible that the Kutcher-Kunis coupling could be legitimate, Martin Kumpfer pulled out a wedding picture with his and Mila Kunis’ faces photoshopped over the groom and bride. “It has to be,” Kumpfer stated. “This is fate.”