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Republicans Call Obama’s Immigration Policy a Gateway Immigration Policy


Washington, DC: Congressional Republicans have released a statement outlining their opposition to Obama’s new immigration policy, which would provide more avenues for undocumented immigrants to obtain citizenship.  The GOP claims that the policy imposes a dangerous precedent when it comes to immigration.

“It’s like we’ve been saying with gay marriage,” said Representative Blake Farenthold of Texas. “First you allow illegal immigrants to become citizens, what’s next? Citizenship for dogs and turtles? Do you want a bunch of dogs and turtles claiming disability benefits and cutting you in line at the DMV? Because I don’t.”

When asked whether he thought the comparison of undocumented immigrants to animals was problematic, Rep. Farenthold shook his head.  “Not at all.  I mean, my dog does things I don’t want him to do all the time.  But you know what I don’t do? Give him citizenship.”

The GOP has been mixed in its support of the statement.  Mitt Romney has surprised many by both supporting and going against the controversial opinion.  In Stratham, New Hampshire, he spoke out against the comparison drawn in the statement during the first part of his speech, but in the later portions of the speech described his consistent stance against animal citizenship.

“I mean, folks, if I thought dogs should be citizens, would I have tied one to my roof?” Romney shook his head emphatically. “If there’s one thing I am, it’s consistent.”

The statement has drawn some amount of criticism.  The most vocal of these critics has been PETA, which claimed that Republicans were trying yet again to hinder the animal citizenship campaign.

“It’s been a long-time priority of the GOP to disenfranchise hard-working animals,” stated Ingrid Newkirk, president of PETA, in an interview with CNN. “The comparison to illegal immigrants is offensive.  I’d hope that we, as a country, treat our animals better than our immigrants.”

Many are concerned that the GOP’s radical position might discourage immigration,  specifically, immigration of foreign dog breeds.  Ralph McNurty, president of the Pet Shop Owners Association of America, spoke for his colleagues at a press conference yesterday.  “Chihuahuas, Pugs, Shih Tzus, a lot of these are pets without documentation.  Customers don’t want American dogs anymore.  Foreign dogs are just cheaper.  They work harder, too.”

Since opinions are mixed on this issue, we at The Inept Owl thought it would be informative to get the viewpoint of an undocumented immigrant.  The one man who had time to talk to us just listened to the statement, sighed and told us he had to get to his third job.

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