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Dragon Lands In Space: NASA Takes As Much Credit As Possible

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ISS, SPACE: This past Friday, the privately funded Dragon SpaceX Rocket, literally the taxicab of the stars, docked with the International Space Station, and NASA was right there to take the credit.

NASA has stated that it was by mere accident that their private whippy wacky wind dancer had been anchored into the floor in front of the Dragon capsule prior to lift-off.

“Without our launch pad, they would have had to go somewhere else and I don’t know if you can tell but look around, launch pads aren’t everywhere,” said one NASA spokesperson. “But we’re happy to have them and their little rocket.  It’s just one of the ways our launch pad is available to private citizens now that the shuttle had retired.”

NASA has spent the better part of the last 50 years answering critics about the Administration’s relevance, but today, thanks to SpaceX, a privately funded firm and their Dragon Rocket Capsule, NASA has hitched their wagon to the most exciting thing to happen to space travel since those few moments in Armageddon when most of us thought Ben Affleck might die out there.

Ask people today who Neil Armstrong is and a lot of people will say, “Didn’t he play quarterback for the Steelers?”

The truth is, it’s been a long time since the Race for Space against the then Soviet Union and the initial moon landing in 1969, but it’s a competition that the space programs in both countries are having a hard time letting go.  The arrival of the Dragon seemed to expose some old feelings between the two countries.

“Anything to keep us one step ahead of those Commie Cosmonauts in Russia,”  mumbled one NASA official.

The Russians released a statement stating, “We’re excited to hire the SpaceX Dragon to send our Cosmonauts into Space!  Thanks America!  What a country!?”

Meanwhile, Dragon spokesman and CEO Elon Musk said he had few words to describe his elation over the morning’s events but a NASA rep was quick to fill the void.  “Today marks another important moment in the history of the U.S. Space Program and our efforts to help private citizens reach outer space.”

Oddly, one couldn’t help but feel as if the happiness of the day was slightly tainted by the presence of NASA who, like a fat girl cock-blocking her attractive friend, refused to fade away to a buffet somewhere.  After Musk finished his comments a final NASA rep took the stage, stating, “I’d like to add that the NASA launch site in Cape Canaveral is open 7 days a week from 8-6p and we are available for birthdays, weddings and bar mitzvahs.”

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