New York, NY: With the end of How I Met Your Mother on the horizon, Neil Patrick Harris recently came to terms with a screen rumor about his character in the series, Barney Stinson. Harris, the actor who played Doogie Howser in the 1990s and disappeared for nearly twenty years before appearing in the White Castle movie with those Indian guys, has finally admitted that he is Barney, not just in character, but in life. Needless to say, this has come as a shock to his lover of eight years, David Burtka.
“What?” asked Burtka, his mouth agape. “Has Neil been living a lie for eight years?”
“Yes,” admitted Harris. “I like to sleep with a different woman every night. I like to wear tailored suits. I even like Star Wars. I am Barney Stinson.” It seems that Harris may have expounded his social life earlier so that people would respect him as a person and stop calling him “Doogie Freaking Howser, okay?”
“I mean, come on! I’m a thirty-eight year-old man now and didn’t need to be reminded of some subpar show I appeared on in the early 90s,” explained Harris. “Now I can be reminded of a subpar show I appeared in in the 2000s.”
When asked if he had any feelings for Burtka, Harris said, “Yeah, man. David’s a cool dude. Maybe he can be my wingman this weekend when I go pick up some honeys.”
There is also the question of the children. In 2010, Harris and Burtka welcomed a boy and girl into their family via a surrogate mother. Burtka wonders what will happen to their children if Harris, known as “Daddy Two,” abandons them.
“Gideon and, uh, the other one? ‘Harper? I think that’s her name. Yeah, Gideon and Harper will be fine,” said Harris, as he texted an ex-girlfriend. “I’ll take them for ice cream every once in a while if I’m not super busy and David can raise them the rest of the time. He’s better at that sort of thing. That’s why I always called him Momma.”
The changeover is not surprising to many, as most twenty-something men found Doogie Howser to be the man when they were kids. “Doogie Howser was the first teenager I saw that had implied sex in a series,” stated long-time Harris fan Paul Emmerlan. “not only did he have sex, but he talked about it constantly like any red-blooded American guy would do. Barney Stinson was an obvious role to finally graduate to.”