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Tiger Woods Wins to Get Back Pride, Pimping Lifestyle


Orlando, FL: A Tiger Woods span of 923 days and 27 tournaments. No, this is not how long he’s held the #1 spot in the PGA. He lost that spot in October of 2010, now ranking a lowly #6.

It had been 923 days and 27 tournaments since he won his last tournament, a drought which he snapped this weekend by winning the Arnold Palmer Invitational by 5 strokes. Some believe it was a stroke of resurgence after the tell all book, “The Big Miss”, by his ex swing coach Hank Haney. Others believe that Tiger has finally found his groove again.

These are all strong motivators, but one reason stands alone: Tiger Woods wanted his bitches back.

“You have to understand that a sexual being like Tiger Woods who, as some have put it, ‘has a girl in every city’, would go through traumatic withdrawal by not having sex for two and a half years,” stated psychologist and sportscaster Andrew O’Brian. “Eventually you have to ask yourself, ‘How can I get laid again?’ The answer was right there for Tiger. Win.”

While it is unknown who Tiger Woods may have celebrated with/plowed after his victory Sunday, we can hope that it will prove enough for tiger to continue winning and plowing in the PGA for just a while longer.

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Patrick is the man behind the man behind the site behind the man.... When he isn't writing for The Inept Owl, saving penguins from Hulk Hogan, and other activities that could be either truths or lies, he's editing everything else.

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