Los Angeles, CA: After two month’s of separation and a month of divorce proceedings, “Death Cab for Cutie” frontman Ben Gibbard is planning to say goodbye to Zooey Deschanel the only way he knows how: playing and singing depressing songs, starting in April.

The plans came shortly after Zooey recorded her hit Youtube video, “What Are You Doing New Year’s Eve” with Joe Gordon-Levitt. Rumors that the break-up between Gibbard and Deschanel began when Gibbard refused to take part in the song have yet to be determined, along with the idea that Deschanel and Gordon-Levitt were romantically involved.

“When you have two people so entrenched in their art as musicians, activities such as that video are like a form of infidelity,” explained psychologist Dr. Martin Crowe. “In Ben’s mind, Joe might as well have been plowing Zooey from behind in the middle of Sunset Boulevard at noon while wearing a ‘Death Cab for Cutie’ T-shirt. Instead, they did a duet on a popular file-sharing website.”

While the cause of the “Death Cab for Cutie” tour may be depressing, many fans are excited.

“I’m hoping they play their albums Transatlanticism and Plans straight through, and forget they ever recorded the later ones,” stated fan-boy Elroy Blanchard. “Maybe [Ben] Gibbard will take up drinking again and get back to his awesomely depressing songs. Better yet, he’ll release another album by The Postal Service.”

By Patrick AE

Patrick is the man behind the man behind the site behind the man.... When he isn't writing for The Inept Owl, saving penguins from Hulk Hogan, and other activities that could be either truths or lies, he's editing everything else.