Foxborough, MA: Looking for their first win in the NFL playoffs since 2007, Bill Belichick and the New England Patriots left nothing to chance by hiring their former offensive coordinator, Josh McDaniels, as an assistant to offensive coordinator Bill O’Brian.

The move became suspect, as Josh McDaniels left the St. Louis Rams after the regular season to take the position just in time for the Patriots’ game against the team he was formerly a head coach for, the Denver Broncos, and against two draft picks that he pushed for, Tim Tebow and Demaryius Thomas.

While there are roster lock rules that prevent players from jumping from a losing team to a playoff team at a certain time, the same rules do not apply for coaches, however that may change after the outcry that followed the McDaniels move. Sources in the NFL have stated that the rule would be looked at in the off-season.

Because of this rule change, Bill Belichick has begun a quest to collect as many assistant coaches for his team as possible in order to give him and his team a knowledgeable edge in the future. After McDaniels, former Jets offensive coordinator Brian Schottenheimer was contacted to be an assistant to the assistant to the offensive coordinator. Raheem Morris, on his was out of Tampa Bay, was contacted as an assistant to the defensive coordinator, along with former St. Louis Rams head coach Steve Spagnuolo, who would be the assistant to the assistant to the defensive coordinator.

Even former coaches that have gone on to other things have been contacted to fill in even more vacancies. Jon Gruden may dismiss his contract with ESPN in order to sign with the Patriots as an assistant to the assistant of the assistant to the offensive coordinator, while Bill Cowher has been offered the position of assistant to the assistant of the assistant to the defensive coordinator, with Herman Edwards following as the assistant to the assistant of the assistant to the assistant of the defensive coordinator.

John Madden has also been offered a position, although it is unknown what real knowledge the retired coach may have. It is rumored that he would be the assistant to the towel boy.

Unfortunately, assistant to assistants prospects Tony Sparano and Jeff Fisher signed with the New York Jets and St. Louis Rams, taking them off the table to give Belichick evaluations of the Miami Dolphins and Tennessee Titans.

While these moves may seem underhanded, until the NFL amends their rules, they are all legal. “The New England Patriots aren’t cheating,” stated Patriots PR assistant Hugh Lowder. “They just want to give Tom Brady and the Patriots defense the most help as possible. If they receive inside knowledge about such Hall of Fame-caliber players such as Tim Tebow, Mark Sanchez, Josh Freeman, and Matt Moore, so be it. It’s not like Bill Belichick really needs it.”

By Patrick AE

Patrick is the man behind the man behind the site behind the man.... When he isn't writing for The Inept Owl, saving penguins from Hulk Hogan, and other activities that could be either truths or lies, he's editing everything else.