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Mitt Romney Admits to Not Tying Dog to Roof for 2012 Campaign


Bedford, NH: Presidential campaign trails are full of the philosophies, hopes, and successes of those that are running. These sparks are what ignite the fuel within voters to inspire them to passionately vouch for, defend, and eventually vote for a candidate.

Those same presidential trails are also full of mud, lack of judgement, and actions that may exhibit a flaw in character that could transcend into the management of the presidential office. Mitt Romney, leading the polls for the Republican Party candidate for the election of 2012, has had one of those flaws resurface again as reminders have begun popping up in newspapers, magazines and the internet.

The incident in question is when Romney strapped his dog crate, with a fearful, defecating Irish Setter named Seamus inside, to the roof of his car for a family trip from Boston to Ontario in 1983. Many animal rights activists, basic animal lovers, and Democrats exhibited outrage at the incident, particularly during Romney’s presidential campaign in 2008.

This 2012 campaign, however, proves to be a new page for the former governor of Massachusetts. Romney is believed to be ready to take the roof dog story to heart, and apologize for his actions.

“Romney is preparing to address the Seamus incident to the public very soon,” stated political adviser Jonathan Clinton. “He will profusely apologize for the fact that he has not strapped any dogs to his roofs during his tour of Iowa nor his current tour in New Hampshire thus far.”

The press release has high aspirations to quiet political pundits that have found that the lack of dogs strapped to the roofs of Romney’s campaign buses alarming. “Tying a sh*tting dog to the roof of a car for a long drive is akin to a metaphor for tying disagreeable liberals to the roof of America whilst Romney drives this country towards its destination,” explained conservative analyst Ann Culliver. “We don’t want them in our car, but we’ll take them along for the ride, and hose them off now and again.”

Romney has not strapped any dogs to the roof of his car recently, which is a testament to the idea that Romney hopes to garner more votes from liberal conservatives, who may find tying live animals to the tops of moving vehicles at full speed to be distasteful, no matter what the metaphorical implications may be.

“If I was Romney, I’d tie a butt-load of dogs to the roof of my car, and unload them all at the White House so they could all sh*t right on the lawn,” stated local Virginian Buck Remington. “I’d probably throw Sarah McLachlan up there, too, for good measure.”

Bill O’Reilly was unavailable for comment.

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1 Comment

  1. avatar

    Mitt Romney should not have to apologize becuase he is a cruel man. Only a cruel person could do such a thing! If he could do that to an animal even after he knew the dog was suffering, what do you think he’ll do to the 99%.
    Heartless bastard!

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