Horrible Horoscopes: Week of 1-10-2012

| January 10, 2012 | 0 Comments

Aries

ARIES

You need to deal with a parental issue. That could mean dealing with your kids, your parents, or whoever you enjoy S&M with.

 

 

 

 


Taurus

TAURUS

Your good energy is keeping you happy and feeling good today, so make sure that you’re pushing yourself a bit and getting yourself out in the world. Just shade that happiness, lest some people try to kill you to feed on your essence.

 

 

 

 


Gemini

GEMINI

If a friend is being tight with money, it doesn’t mean they don’t want to hang out. They just want you to pay for everything.

 

 

 

 


Cancer

CANCER

Your energy levels are getting higher, so make sure that you’re dealing with the projects and people that mean the most to you. That way people won’t think you’re coked out or having a ‘roid rage.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


Leo

LEO

You can get along with almost anyone right now, so try to spend time with those neglected annoying people, like Pauley Shore and the women of “Real Housewives of Wherever the Hell They Are Now”.

 

 

 

 


Virgo

VIRGO

Your social life gets a little boost today. Hopefully it is for the right reasons, not because someone posted a picture on the internet of you ass-out of a window in Times Square.

 

 

 

 


Libra

LIBRA

Avoid the temptation to volunteer or even to speak up today, especially if you are involved in a hostage situation.

 

 

 

 


Scorpio

SCORPIO

You find yourself lost in conversation today. A quick mention about how you just pooped your pants will always help the conversation find direction again.

 

 

 

 

 

 


Sagittarius

SAGITTARIUS

You may feel exhausted by the end of the day, but that’s what happens when you go out into the sunlight only once a month.

 

 

 



Capricorn

CAPRICORN

New ideas will be suggested to you today — don’t feel uncomfortable. Embrace them, especially if those new ideas come from an old, overweight astrologer.

 

 

 

 

 

 


Aquarius

AQUARIUS

It might not be very easy to say something tough to a friend, which is why singing telegrams were invented.

 

 




Pisces

PISCES

Today you’re able to entertain yourself. Just be sure to have a lot of tissues handy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Written by Moonbeam Crenshaw

Tags: , , ,

Category: Horrible Horoscopes, Interactive Owl

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