Horrible Horoscopes: Week of 11-28-2011

Aries

ARIES

New things will be catching your attention today. Or you’ll be catching new things today. Either way, wear a helmet or a condom.

 

 

 

 


Taurus

TAURUS

You’re feeling pretty crazed over something small. Welcome to the world of Cyber Monday, where you’ll waste an hour to save $8.

 

 

 

 


Gemini

GEMINI

Your energy can help you coast through any objections or doubts. This is especially true when dealing with psychedelics when deciding that you want to dig a hole to the Land of Oz with your bare hands.

 

 

 

 


Cancer

CANCER

The universe is flexible enough to accommodate whatever you want. Which is why I named the universe Kandy Kane and plan to hire her when I get divorced.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


Leo

LEO

You need to make sure that you’re taking care of the most important people in your life today. Those are the people that know where you buried the bodies.

 

 

 

 


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