Happy Endings

Beyond the obvious greatness of these two NFL stars, Tim Tebow and Mark Sanchez, when one digs beneath the surface you realize just how similar these two great QB’s are. The differences are few but the similarities are many and indeed impressive:

One is a virgin (Tebow). One prefers underage virgins (Sanchez). One was almost aborted (Timmy T). One has paid for numerous abortions (Marky Mark). One like’s cow’s milk (Timmy); one likes breast milk (Marcus). One goes Tebowing (Tebow); one goes bowling (Sanchez). One eats Mexican food (T-bone); one is Mexican American (Sanchize). One is a trend setter (TT); one has an Irish setter (MS). One is a Christian (Timothy T); one knows someone named Christian (Mark S). And finally they both have fat, defensive minded coaches.

However, in the immortal words of the late, great Billy Mays – “but wait, there’s more!”

Goodness, what else do they have in common? Glad you asked. Tebow has parents; Sanchez has parents. Tebow has opposable thumbs. Sanchez? “this” close. Timmy believes in the Second Coming. Sanchez believes in coming twice (occasionally via force). They both love tacos, though Sanchez prefers ‘organic’ tacos.

Great beginnings and/or separated at birth

Even going back to college there were amazing similarities. Tebow had a coach named Urban; Sanchez lived in an urban area. Tebow had a girlfriend and was chaste. Sanchez liked to chase girls with his friends. Tebow eschewed underage drinking. Sanchez eschewed underage teetotalism.

Pre college however is when all of these insane parallels first took place. Neither QB is circumcised. They discovered this during a youth football camp run by Penn State great Jerry Sandusky. Neither QB scored well on their SAT’s. Neither QB was disciplined at home. Discipline was for lesser children it was explained. These future hall of famers never had to do their homework either so their bond is not only physical, it’s intellectual.

In lives destined for greatness, one individual merely needs to look at the other to see the reflection of his own great and annoying self.

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