State College, PA: In the wake of the recent Jerry Sandusky/Penn State molestation scandal, the residents of Happy Valley, the nickname bestowed upon State College from residents throughout the state, have determined that a name change is in the best interest of the town. After a vote the chosen name has been revealed as Predator Paradise!

Residents wisely noted that the notoriety of State College, long known as a haven for Penn State fans and, of course, Penn State college students, has always been inextricably tied to college football. Now residents can finally shed that somewhat dull moniker for something with a bit more sheen.

A moment later, Jerry Sandusky was rushed to the hospital.

The mayor of State College stated that Predator Paradise was chosen from among several other good, meaningful choices, but won out since the connotation was ultimately positive, or could be construed that way, by a few residents at least, Jerry Sandusky apparently among them.

These allegations now give a whole new meaning to the autobiography Sandusky wrote several years ago: “Touched: The Jerry Sandusky Story”, which was published in 2001 – and can now be seen as a desperate cry for help from an old man who loves young boys.

After allegations against Sandusky came to light it was learned that The Creamery ice cream shop on the Penn State campus subsequently removed from its menu the “Sandusky Blitz”: a banana flavored ice cream with chocolate covered peanuts and caramel swirl. It has since been replaced with a sweet confection called “Sandusky Seduction”.

The tourism industry in State College now has its hands full. ‘Predator Paradise’ has far different appeal and pull than Happy Valley.

See below for the other choices residents had to choose from with select commentary regarding reasons for rejection:

  • Shameful Valley (obvious name change, not deemed as very ‘sexy’)
  • Merry Molesters (this was deemed as more of a holiday friendly name as opposed to a year round name)
  • Valley of Deviance (sounds like a bad movie)
  • Sandusky Happy Trail (a bit too personal).
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